


Flower Boy

by allonsysouffle



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Barista Michael, Cinematographer Gavin, Florist Ryan, Gardener Ray, M/M, YouTuber Gavin, but has a happy ending i think, lol good luck, some angst in later chapters sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-12
Updated: 2014-11-21
Packaged: 2018-02-17 02:48:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 27,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2294114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allonsysouffle/pseuds/allonsysouffle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'Don’t think about it, Ray. You cannot have a crush on your famous, <i> male</i> neighbor. No fucking way.'<br/>Ray is just a humble gardener, quiet and awkward and always hiding behind his rosebushes. Gavin is his neighbor, loud and funny and wild and- oh, yeah, famous on YouTube for his slow-motion shenanigans. With just a picket fence separating their gardens, it's not long before they meet... and talk... and fall head over heels for each other. So maybe they’re still wrapping their heads around the whole ‘love’ thing. So maybe they’re still dealing with their problems and pasts. But with the help of happenstance, the YouTube comments section, and a certain mad florist, everything will be coming up roses. Right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hydrangea

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there! Basically, this is my very first time writing anything shippy or fluffy and, well, it was meant to be a oneshot but I went a little crazy with this AU because it's literally so adorable and sweet and gahh. Gardener!Ray has been an idea I've had for ages and I'm really surprised no one else has though of it, aha.  
> It's going to end up with a few more chapters (probably posted sporadically and far apart, because school has been insane) with the RT crew popping up here and there in little cameos. Hope you enjoy, and feedback is always very welcome! <3  
> -E

**_ Ray_** 

“Oh, shite!”

There it was again. 

Ray sighed and put down his trowel, sitting on his haunches as he heard the startled shout from the backyard next door. Every few days or so, right when he was doing his daily round of gardening when he got back from work, his neighbor would make some sort of commotion. He’d never found out exactly why, and he didn’t really plan to. It wasn’t his business. But it was pretty fucking annoying. 

Too bad he was strictly non-confrontational. Years of anxiety and being obsessed with flowers in high school didn’t do much for him socially. And he was fine on his own. He had a small house in a nice neighborhood, with a well-paying job- he went round some rich family’s mansion every day and tended to their rather lavish garden. He could keep some of the seeds for his own backyard, and he was doing what he loved. Not a bad life, just lonely sometimes. Lonely, and he still couldn’t talk to strangers. Hell, he could barely order a pizza over the phone without stuttering.

“Bloody pissing _Christ!_ ” came the yell from next door, accompanied by the sound of something popping and glass shattering. Ray jumped out of his skin and his thoughts. _What the everloving fuck?_

Carefully, awkwardly, he stood up, peering over the white picket fence between the yards. He winced as he looked over the overgrown weeds and the uncut grass, dotted with a few meager buttercups and clover flowers. In the garden was a tall, lanky man in a stained, off-white lab coat, fussing over an enormous camera. Part of the grass in front of him was smoking, and what looked like paint was dotted around the area. It was like a kid’s art project had gotten blown to bits.

The man turned around, and Ray caught sight of his face for a moment. He was... well, he was kind of cute, in a lopsided sort of way. Fine, he was hot. Super fucking hot. His nose was a tad too big for his long, stubble-brushed face, and his hair stuck up in ways that Ray didn’t know to be possible. His astonished grin was accompanied by eyes that were bright and manic and full of crazed joy. Eyes that locked with Ray’s.

_Shit._ He ducked under the picket fence and pretended to busy himself with digging a couple more holes for the new calla lily seeds he’d swindled. He prayed to every god imaginable that the man wouldn’t notice him.

“Hey!” His voice was lilting and touched with laughter. Ray tried his very hardest to sink into the grass. _Too late._ The guy leant over the fence and tapped him on the shoulder.

“Oh, uh, hi?” Ray turned around, face to face with his mysterious neighbor. Well, not really face to face. Ray wasn’t short, but somehow he only came to the other guy’s shoulder. He titled his head up, staring directly into his hazel-green eyes. _Oh, God, he’s hot._

“You alright, mate? Sorry for being such a pleb, didn’t realize I was bothering you, what with all the yelling and explosions and stuff.” 

All that ran through Ray’s mind was _accent_ and _green eyes_ and _accent_. He was silent and starry-eyed for a few seconds before he remembered to speak.

“Huh? Um, I’m fine, s’not really a bother- I mean, whatever it is you’re doing.” He waited a beat, the British dude still grinning at him stupidly. “Uh, what _do_ you do every day?” 

Ray had no idea the man’s face could light up more than it already had. “Hop over the fence, and I’ll show you.”

Cautiously he lifted himself one leg at a time over the fence. The man grabbed him by the wrist- _o_ _h my God_ \- and dragged him over to the huge camera he was using earlier.

“This,” he gestured to the equipment, “is my pride and joy. Phantom Flex, capable of fifteen thousand frames per second, ultra high definition, y’know.”

“Whoa.” To be honest, Ray didn’t really know what the hell he was talking about, but it did sound pretty sweet.

“Well, mostly I use it to film little things. Punching people in the face, popping balloons, firecrackers, that sort of stuff. It’s slow-motion.”

“So that’s your job?” Ray asked, a bit skeptical.

“Oh, no, course not. I do slow-mo and general cinematography for shows and movies mostly, nothing huge. This is a side thing, just for YouTube or whatever. Hey, you wanna see what I just filmed?” Ray nodded.

He watched intently as the man replayed the video he just shot. He’d ingeniously put some firecrackers into small tubs of paint and lit them up, causing rainbow paint to splatter everywhere. It looked amazing in slow motion, the sparks of the firecrackers bursting through and illuminating the shards of glass, with the multicolored paint practically leaping into the air, contrasting starkly with the gray-clouded September sky. 

“Cool, right?” the man laughed, nudging Ray, who was still staring open-mouthed at the repeating video.

“Yeah, wow. That’s amazing.”

“Glad you liked it... wait, so sorry. I never caught your name!”

“I’m Ray.”

“I’m Gavin, Gavin Free.” He extended his hand and Ray shook it, smiling a little. At least now he knew his neighbor was actually sane. 

“It was lovely meeting you, Ray,” Gavin continued, “but I’ve got to go back in and edit this before my subscribers start yelling at me over Twitter because this week’s video is late. They’ve been prone to do that.”

_How famous is this guy?_

“That’s cool. I guess I’ll see you around, then.”

Gavin grinned and waved goodbye as Ray hopped over the fence and back behind his rosebushes. He then returned to his gardening, and as he planted his lilies, he realized something- some of the paint from the shoot had gotten onto his precious blue hydrangeas. 

_God damn it._

* * *

 

When he got back in, it was nearly dark. He made himself a dinner of microwaved mac and cheese- perks of being a young bachelor- and sat down at his busted old laptop. _Twitter_ , Gavin’d said. Well, there was no time like the present to do some good, old-fashioned internet stalking.

He logged on to his barren twitter feed. He’d made the account a couple of years back but never used it- what was the point? He didn’t care much about celebrities and he didn’t have any actual friends to follow. 

He typed ‘Gavin Free’ into the search box and waited as the page loaded, agonizingly slow. He wished he earned enough money to buy a better internet connection, even though he didn’t use it for much except ordering rare flower seeds and torrenting new episodes of The Walking Dead. Finally, the account came up. 

450k followers. Ray blinked. _No way._

His description was ‘I'm a 26 year old English lad living in America. The Slow Mo Guy on YouTube. Probably pissing off my neighbors with explosions.’

_Holy crap._ Ray chuckled to himself. He’d unwittingly met up with some famous dude.

And his most recent tweet? ‘New video coming soon on YouTube.com/theslowmoguy. It features a lot of paint, and a cameo of my neighbor. Should be up in around an hour!’

Ray clicked the link. 

The first thing he noticed was the big number in the corner. 613,860 subscribers. _Jesus H. Christ._

There were a ton of videos on the channel, all featuring some sort of cool slow-motion stuff. The first one Ray watched was of Gavin slapping a man in the face- his brother, according to the description. It looked ridiculous in slow-mo, the skin rippling as the movement spread across the guy’s skin. Ray laughed his ass off, though it wasn't really _that_ funny.

The next video was of Gavin taking a sledgehammer to an old clock. He would never admit it, but Ray thought the curve of Gavin’s torso was quite graceful when it was filmed a hundred times slower than normal.

He scrolled down the long list of videos and noticed that the earliest few, from a couple of years ago, had another guy in the icons. Ray frowned and played one of them.

Back then, they introduced themselves as the Slow Mo _Guys_. Plural. The other one was called Dan. He was handsome, also British, and appeared to be great friends with Gavin.

He switched tabs to a newer video and searched through the comments. Sure enough, a fair few of them asked about Dan, and what happened to him. They were never answered. It seemed as if he’d just disappeared into thin air.

Ray kept watching. It was kind of addictive, actually. Plus, he could watch Gavin for days. That rich, flowing accent, the various different ways he styled his hair over the years, how hilariously he reacted when he fucked something up..

_What the hell are you even thinking about, Narvaez?_ he scolded himself. He’d never actually found anyone attractive. He’d just assumed he was asexual or aromantic or something. 

_Don’t think about it, Ray. You cannot have a crush on your famous male neighbor. No fucking way._

He sighed and refreshed the channel page. The new video popped up.

‘Paint Exploding at 15,000fps’.

He watched as Gavin fumbled around his awfully kept garden, introducing the video and explaining the technical stuff. Then he took a lighter to the ‘bangers’ inside the paint pots and quickly ran back behind the camera, screaming “Oh, shite! Bloody pissing christ!”

_I remember that._

Then the video cut to extreme slow motion as it zoomed in on the glass jars shattering into tiny pieces and the paint spilling and rising from the remnants. It looked much nicer than Ray had seen it earlier, with music and better lighting and stuff. 

The end screen rolled. He shrugged and paused it before it ended- just a habit. He yawned, wishing he could just sleep on the couch. Too bad he’d probably fall off it halfway through the night due to his frightfully abnormal sleeping positions. He’d almost completely closed the laptop when he remembered Gavin’s tweet- ‘cameo of my neighbor’. So where was he?

He reopened the video and played it from the beginning, analyzing it closely. But his face didn’t show up anywhere. He sat through the chipper end screen music, nearly dozing off. Then the music stopped, replaced by Gavin’s cheery voice. _What?_

Turns out, there was a tiny little video clip at the very end, a sneaky shot of Ray peering over the fence, and Gavin making a worried face at the camera. Then the video stopped abruptly.

_YouTube is fucking weird._

So Ray closed the laptop and dragged himself to bed, dreaming of green eyes and smashed clocks and painted flowers. 

 


	2. Baby's-Breath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! I wrote this super hella fast for some reason and I swear I’ve been going back and editing it for so long I can barely read it anymore, but here’s chapter 2! More RT cameos and stuff, awh. Slow buildups are hard, dudes, but you’ll get your cute Rayvin action soon (I promise it will be adorable as fuck). Also, thanks so much for your feedback, bookmarks and kudos, everything is appreciated a ton! Hope you enjoy!  
> (PS: I’ve written the word ‘flower’ so many times in this fic it doesn’t really seem like a word anymore.)  
> -E

** _Gavin_**  

It was a few days from then that Gavin Free found himself at The Mad Florist’s, wringing his hands. Geoff was throwing one of his infamous house parties for his tenth anniversary, so he had to get him _something_ , and quick. The store had been the first thing to catch his eye, with its hand-painted logo and baskets of flowers hanging from the windows.

_Oh, why not?_

The bells hanging from the door tinkled cheerfully as he walked in, hands stuffed into his pockets. The store was dusty and cramped and old, but it was pretty much the only one like it in the area and he desperately needed some flowers. 

The air was thick with the smell of springtime, kept humid to preserve the plant life. Flowers and vines covered the walls and the shelves, some spilling over onto the floor in a labyrinth of green and pink and yellow. Homemade signs were posted over stacks and bunches of freshly-cut flowers, labeling them with both their scientific and common names.

The florist lounged in a spinning desk chair at the cash register, sorting packets of seeds into two different piles. He lifted his head as Gavin stumbled in, showing an arrogant smile and a brash, narrowed gaze. 

“How can I help you?” His voice was deep and sultry and sharp, edged with something that might be contempt. 

“Um, I dunno, just looking for some flowers, I guess.” For once in his life, Gavin felt a little intimidated.

“For who?”

“A friend. It’s his anniversary, and.. yeah.”

“What would you like? If you get three different varieties in a bouquet you can get a free seed packet.” The cashier sounded bored.

“Um.. maybe some roses, or something? Nothing romantic, though.” He tried to think of something to say, squinting at the plethora of names scrawled everywhere. “Oh, I haven’t a clue, to be honest. Surprise me.”

The florist sighed dramatically and stood up, strutting over to the stacks of flowers. He picked out a few yellow roses, some stalks that flowered tiny white buds, and stems of pale purple flowers. He was surprisingly delicate given his broad shoulders and tough stance.

“There we go. Baby’s-breath, lilac, yellow roses and hyacinth. Nothing too fragrant or colorful, but all classic. And I’ll throw in a packet of snapdragon seeds,” he explained as he wrapped the bouquet in clear cellophane and tied it with a satin bow. “That’ll be forty-five dollars.”

Gavin widened his eyes at the cost, but swallowed his retort and handed over the money all the same.

The bells chimed again.

The cashier’s eyes lit up and he lifted his hand in a lazy wave. “Hey, look who it is. My favorite customer.”

“Hey, Ryan,” came the soft reply. _Wait, I’ve heard that voice before_. Gavin swiftly turned around to see his cute neighbor, the soft-spoken gardener from yesterday. He was bundled in a too-big hoodie, and his face was pink from the sudden September chill.

“ _Ray?_ ”

He blinked, dark eyes shining like oil on water. “Gavin?”

Ryan-the-cashier cleared his throat. “You two know each other or something?”

“Yeah,” said Ray. “He’s my neighbor.” He turned to a thoroughly vexed Gavin. “Me and Ryan knew each other in high school- he was basically the only other kid who was into plants. Wait, what are _you_ doing in a florist’s, anyway?”

Gavin brandished the rather large bouquet. “Just got some flowers.”

“I see.” Ray looked sort of crestfallen, for some reason. 

“Ray, I have those bird-of-paradise seeds you ordered,” Ryan cut in. “And we just got a new shipment of orchids as well- pretty rare ones. Thailand.”

“Nice! Man, I need to have a look at those. Haven’t seen an orchid in a long time.” He turned to Gavin, who was already pushing the door open. “Uh, see you.”

“Catch you later, flower-boy.”

* * *

The decorations were still being put up over the gates by the time Gavin got to Geoff’s house, bouquet in hand.

Alright, it wasn’t exactly a house- more of a mansion, with a huge, elegant garden out front and actual Greek-style pillars supporting the front like some old bank. Of course, it didn’t compare in the slightest to his great grey monolith of an office building- being the CEO of HNTR Animation had its perks.

He passed under Griffon, who was perched on a ladder, struggling to loop a string of fairy lights around a spike on top of the wrought-iron gate. She grinned down a him.

“Hey, Gavin! You’re here early, how unlike you! Been a while, eh?”

“Yeah, sorry ‘bout that. Been pretty busy. Happy anniversary!” 

“Thanks! I’ll be down just as soon as I’m done with this. You can go inside and get a drink if you want, Geoff’s acting as the host right now.”

“Alright, see you!”

Grif tried to wave, but stumbled and nearly fell off the ladder in the process. She laughed it off as Gavin headed inside.

He walked along the familiar white stone path through the lavish, well-kept garden, around the meticulously clean fountain and marble statues. He spotted a bush of yellow roses and cursed himself for buying flowers. _Why didn’t I just get him whiskey?_

He could hear Geoff’s ridiculous laugh as he entered through the foyer, feeling the heated air wash over him and warm him to the bone.

He hung up his jacket on the coat rack, immediately heading to the kitchen because he knew that Geoff would be around there somewhere.

He admired the decorations, paper lanterns strung across the ceilings and fairy lights across the walls. It was a strange house, all sort of cobbled together, video game posters next to priceless art next to school pictures of Millie next to framed tattoo designs. Somehow, Griffon managed to make it all work, and no one could say the place didn’t have a personality.

He’d actually lived in the mansion for a couple of months when he first came to America, still sorting out papers and leases and houses and stuff. Geoff was almost like an uncle to him, only closer in age and more willing to go out drinking with him and play practical jokes. They’d met around five years ago, when Gavin did a cinematography consultation with the animators for a show Geoff was producing. He didn’t really remember how they became friends from there, it was all sort of a whirlwind, but somehow Gavin was convinced to move to the US and when he needed somewhere to crash, Geoff’s house was the obvious choice.

He was so lost in thought, he didn’t notice someone come up behind him. Before he knew what was happening he was being crushed in the warmest hug he’d ever received. _Gotta be Jack._ Huge, intimidating and cuddly as a teddy bear, Jack Pattillo was high up in Geoff’s company, and one of his closest friends. Gavin didn’t know him extremely well, but Jack considered every person that went beyond an acquaintance his friend, no matter how close they actually were.

“It’s been such a long time!” Jack said, eyes crinkling as he smiled. “How’ve you been?”

“Good, yeah. Bit busy. Have you seen Geoff?”

“He’s in the living room entertaining people. Millie’s there, too.”

“Great! Thanks, man, I’ll see you around!” He turned down the hall, the dark hardwood floor clacking under his dress shoes. 

The living room was full of people milling around, drinks in hand. They were probably mostly business-y people, but Gavin recognized a fair few from Geoff’s social circle that he’d met. A lot of people were gathered around Millie, who was regaling them with a tale Gavin had heard before- the one about Griffon and the centipede. Chuckling softly, he turned, spotting the man of the night himself, chatting to a couple of animators in fancy suits. _Kerry and Miles_ , Gavin remembered. He’d worked with them once- they were a tad overenthusiastic about their jobs, but they were outrageously talented.

“Well if it isn’t Gavin Free.” The voice was snide, touched with the tone of glee that was ever-present around Geoff Ramsey. The mustachioed man had cleaned up nicely for the even, in a pale blue dress shirt and slacks. He’d rolled up the sleeves of the shirt to show his vibrant spray of tattoos, and he was clutching a beer, but otherwise he was as presentable as any businessman was meant to be.

“Geoff!” It was Gavin that hugged him this time. “Happy anniversary, you smegpot.” He thrusted the bouquet at him, grinning stupidly.

Geoff smiled graciously. “Thanks so much, man! They’re awesome.” He stripped the flowers of their plastic covering and stuck them in a clay vase-like thing that decorated the mantlepiece. 

“Now, lets get you some bevs,” Geoff said, heading towards the drinks table.

“That’s what I’m talking about.”

* * *

 

A few hours and two beers later, Gavin was lounging in a deck chair overlooking the backyard, after finishing a riveting conversation about gold stock with Joel Heyman, a voice actor for one of Geoff’s new animations. It wasn’t that riveting, really. Edging on boring. 

He sipped at a Jack and Coke, watching the few partygoers that had the initiative to move to the backyard for a bit of privacy and an escape from the thrumming noise and music emanating from the mansion. 

By the light of the oil lamps placed on strategic points around the grass, he spotted something a little odd in the corner of his eye- a hooded figure stealing into the garden shed.  Maybe it was just his experience from video games, but hooded figures doing mysterious things in the dark were usually not good. So, on a whim, he got up and decided to investigate. He hopped down the deck steps to the garden, shoes brushing against the dew-spotted grass.

The figure was leaving the shed by the time he got there, stuffing something into his jacket pocket.

“Hey, hey, what are you doing?’ Gavin demanded. The man turned, shocked, and pulled back his hood.

“Um...” mumbled a very familiar voice. “This is awkward.”

_Are you fucking kidding me?_

“Ray? What the hell are _you_ doing here?”

“I... uh.. work here?”

“What?”

“I’m the gardener for the Ramseys. Just came back because I forgot my wallet in the shed. What are _you_ doing here?”

He gestured to the lit-up house. “Came for Geoff’s party. He’s an old friend of mine. God, this is so bloody weird.”

“What is?”

“We keep on meeting each other. It’s not exactly normal.”

“True.” Ray was almost laughing. “It is pretty damn strange. Thought this stuff only happened in movies.” 

He looked so beautiful standing there, face flushed and hands stuffed in his pockets, a laugh nearly escaping his lips. Gavin tore himself away from the thought.

“Want to sit and people-watch?” he found himself asking. 

“Uh, sure?”

So that’s how they ended up leaning against the garden shed, making sarcastic comments about nothing and laughing at themselves, both blushing in the dark, both thankful the other couldn’t see them.

They talked well into the night, about basically everything imaginable. Gavin found that, under a couple layers of timidness, Ray was shockingly funny, with a devilish sense of humor and a quick wit. He wasn’t one for small talk, though, he went straight to “So, what do you think about religion?”, skipping the ‘favorite color’ discussion entirely. Gavin didn’t mind in the slightest. It was refreshing to finally talk about important stuff with someone, and he had a knack for spontaneous deep conversations.

“Do you think that love at first sight exists?”

The question caught Gavin by surprise. He worried his lip between his teeth, attempting something that would be at least semi-coherent.

“I don’t think so, no. How are you supposed to fall for someone in a glance? They could be a right prick in real life.”

“Yeah, exactly. I think at least a conversation should be enough, but you never know with people. They change so easily.” Ray sounded kind of bitter.

“Right.”

They sat in silence for a few beats before Ray spoke again.

“Hey, Gavin? Can I ask you something?” He sounded the question out, slow and cautious. Gavin nodded, tilting his head in confusion. 

“What happened to Dan?”

He felt like he’d just been punched in the stomach.

“W-what?” he choked out. 

“I’m- God, I’m sorry. I was just watching stuff from your YouTube channel the other day, and I was just wondering... You okay?”

Gavin gulped. _I’m not drunk enough for this shit._ “I’m fine. I guess. I- uh, man. Dan was my best friend. We’d been joined at the hip since primary school. Then one day, out of the blue, we had this awful fight. I don’t even remember what it was about-” a lie- “..but it was brutal. He just up and left me, and the next I heard from him, a few weeks later, he’d enlisted in the army.”

“Wow. That’s horrible.”

“Then I was finishing up film school, and Geoff convinced me to come live in America. Last I spoke to Dan was over the phone a couple months ago, he came back from Afghanistan all beat up and scarred, and it was like.. it was like talking to a ghost. He was just- a shell.”

“I’m sorry that happened.”

“Yeah.”

Gavin almost jerked backwards when he felt Ray’s hand on his arm. The gardener looked up at him with huge imploring eyes and a tentative smile that flickered across his face like hummingbird wings. He forced himself to smile back a little.

So they talked about sweet nothings for the rest of the night. 

It was half past twelve when Ray admitted that he had to get back, and offered to give Gavin a ride in his battered Chevy. He accepted, and they stole away from the party and into the dark.

_sorry i couldn’t say goodbye, had an awesome night_ , Gavin texted Geoff from the passenger’s side. He listened to Ray unwittingly murmuring along to some indie song on the radio and finally decided to admit it to himself- he was head over heels for this boy.

 

He came home to his dark, empty rooms and stumbled into bed, but he just couldn’t fall asleep. So much was running through his head, so much that he’d inevitably forget in the morning. 

Ray, and Dan, and love at first sight, and hummingbird smiles, and garden parties.

He resorted to tossing and turning and thinking until his eyes finally struggled to stay open and he fell into a restless sleep.


	3. Sweet Pea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, readers! Here’s chapter three- Ray is annoyed and lovesick, Gavin makes a terrible mistake, and Ryan just wants them to quit complaining and get together already. Plus some adorbs R-and-R connection for kicks. Also, a note about ages- everyone is around twenty-ish. Reviews, kudos and bookmarks are much appreciated! Happy reading, dudes <3  
> -E

** _Ray_**

The sky just before the sun rose was shaded in desaturated streaks of periwinkle and gray, dotted with pale clouds that rosy light was just beginning to filter through. The Austin streets were almost deserted, street lamps glowing for nobody. Ray drove alone in the low, blue light, listening to the radio buzz on the lowest volume and trying to stay awake.

He’d been up all night trying to wrap his head around why he’d suddenly fallen head over heels for a dude, and _Gavin freaking Free_ of all the dudes in the world. So he was sort of grateful for the distraction when Ryan texted him at five in the morning, pleading him for help sorting out the new stock he’d gotten.

He pulled into the tiny parking lot behind The Mad Florist’s, then stumbled through the hazy almost-darkness through the front door. The florist was sitting on the desk, legs swinging, violently typing something out on his laptop.

“Hey,” Ray croaked. 

Ryan looked up. “Hey, you’re just in time. Was just about to move the new stock in- had to figure out some legal money stuff first- nothing you’d get.” 

“Ha ha. Hilarious. It’s cause I failed math, right?”

He narrowed his eyes, not smiling. “Dude, you look terrible. How much sleep did you get last night?”

“Um.. nada.”

“Seriously?”

“Not all of us are early-to-sleep, early-to-rise like you,” Ray grumbled. “Besides, I was actually doing something last night.”

“Really?” Ryan raised his eyebrows. “What was it?”

“I was.. at a party.” 

He waited, and as predicted, Ryan laughed. “No, honestly, I was at the Ramseys’ house to get something and he was having this huge freaking house party, and then I bumped into _Gavin_.”

“Wait, who?”

“He came in here yesterday just before me- you probably don’t remember. He lives in the house next door. I think he’s a cinematographer.. or something?” _It’s almost as if I wasn’t stalking his IMDB page at three in the morning._ “It’s weird, isn’t it, how we keep meeting each other? First he’s my neighbor, then he’s besties with my employer... God, it’s like some shitty rom-com or something. He’s actually really nice, too, and funny, and shit. You wouldn’t know it from looking at him, but he can get pretty deep too. We talked for hours, I swear.” He trailed off. He didn’t want to wax poetic or anything.

Ryan cut in, monotone. “Wait, tell me all about this mysterious Gavin _while_ you haul boxes.”

“I’m not getting paid enough for this,” Ray muttered, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“Actually, you’re not getting paid at all!” Ryan corrected cheerfully, opening the door to the storeroom.

“I hate you.”

 

* * *

 

“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?” Ryan asked as they moved the bunches of flowers from the storeroom to the front of the shop. He said it so casually, as if the very notion of it didn’t make Ray’s stomach lurch. 

“H-huh?”

“You can’t expect me not to have _noticed_. Come on. ‘ _Oh, we talked for hours on end, his accent is like the warbling of Shakespeare himself, and his eyes are the shade of leaves rustling in the sun, and his hair shines like golden spun silk!_ ’” He chuckled, clapping Ray on the back. “It’s cool, though, and you’ve never actually been interested in anyone before, so this is like.. history in the making!”

Ray tried to hide his smile, studying the label above the pink-streaked sweet peas with more intensity than he should. “I never said his hair shone like golden spun silk! It’s more of a.. uh, sandy sort of brown, I guess. And I think his eyes are hazel.”

Ryan smirked knowingly. “You are in _so_ deep, man.”

“I know. It _sucks_.”  

It was great to talk to Ryan again. They’d been pretty good friends in high school, an unlikely pair- while Ryan tried out for both the school play and the football team, Ray’d been hiding away in the library, leafing through an old copy of the _Farmer’s Almanac_ \- but through a shared interest in gardening and video games, they established a rather strong connection. Initially, Ryan had proposed that the two of them run the flower shop together after they graduated, but Ray proved too anxious for a job that might entail talking to strangers, so they parted ways when Ryan went to drama school in the west. A couple of years, a retail job and a bachelor’s degree later, he’d returned to his old dream and opened up The Mad Florist’s in Austin. 

Now, mainly, their friendship consisted of playing Halo at Ray’s place once a week or so and trading flower seeds. He’d forgotten how refreshing it actually was to _talk_ to Ryan about things other than aliens and roses. Sure, there was the odd quasi-sociopathic comment here and there, but he was good-humored and a great listener.

“You should ask him out,” Ryan offered right before he opened up shop for the day, pale sunlight glaring through the flower-adorned windows.

“Pfft. Right.”

“I’m serious! Come on, man. What’s the worst that can happen?”

“I can think of a few things, asshat. He’ll never talk to me again, or he’ll be disgusted, and I’ll be sent into a crippling existential crisis and hole myself up in my room for a month with only Ben and Jerry’s to keep my company.”

Ryan frowned as he flipped the sign on the door from ‘Closed’ to ‘Open’. “Okay, I see your point. But you only live once-”

Ray snorted. “Seriously? You’re starting your inspirational speech with freakin’ _YOLO?_ ”

“Let me finish. You only live once, and I _know_ you. If you don’t do it now, or soon, you’re never gonna do it, and you’ll live a life filled with regret that you never asked that cute cinematographer out when you were twenty. So who cares if it doesn’t work out? Maybe you’ll sigh for a couple of days and maybe you won’t be able to walk past his front door without grimacing, but life goes on. So ask him, man. You’ve got one shot, make it count.”

Ray was surprised the florist could be so deep, he nearly laughed. “Dude, you should get into TED talks or something. Had me a little teary at the end there,” he teased.

“So, are you gonna ask him or what?” Ryan said in a more serious tone. 

“Uh, okay?” Ray found himself saying. “I mean, I’ll try.”  

He ended up helping out at the store for a couple more hours; it was some Chinese holiday or something, and everybody- meaning the rather tiny Asian population of Austin- wanted to get cassia blossoms and golden chrysanthemums for the Mid-Autumn Festival or whatever it was called. Then he had to re-check all the stock, noting down the number of stalks and flowers and plastic wrapping and ribbons.

When the midday rush was finally over, he said his goodbyes, meaning to make the most of his day off. 

“Don’t forget- you’ve got one shot at this, make it count,” Ryan reminded him as he stepped out the back door into the car park.

“Yeah, you’ve told me, like, three hundred times. ‘ _You only live once, don’t live a life filled with the regrets of your past!_ ’”

“Hey, shut up. You can do this- I’m rooting for you.” Ryan said, soft-eyed and solemn.

“Was that- was that a flower pun? I swear to God, Ry..” 

 

* * *

 

Ray arrived back home laden with his weekly groceries- mostly just ramen and hot pockets- and a strong desire to take a nap. He also needed time to plan his confession to Gavin- but he’d work that out later. _Thank God I have tomorrow off, too._

He had just thrown himself onto the couch and cracked open his laptop, ready to repeatedly refresh a certain British YouTuber’s Twitter page, when he heard the panicked shout from next door.

_God freaking damn it._

He groaned, annoyed at his curiosity, and walked leisurely to the door to the backyard, all ready to faux-complain about Gavin’s antics- and then he saw the smoke billowing, dark into the pale clouded sky.

“Holy shit,” he muttered, too stunned to say anything else, staring open-mouthed at the scene before him. Gavin had set his fucking garden on fire. Well, not really the entire yard, just his rosebushes and a couple of rows of tulips, but still, his _garden_. Smoke and ash filled his nose, and he coughed, fanning it away from his face.

_Fuck my life._

Gavin’s yard wasn’t doing much better, the dry weeds and sun-browned grass feeding the flames spectacularly. The man himself was frantic, carting his camera away from the fire. _I can’t believe I chose to have a crush on this freaking idiot._

“Gavin, you fuck!” Ray yelled from the doorway, already running towards his hose. Acting on autopilot, he unravelled the hose and switched it on, dousing the bushes and some of his grass, which the fire had just started to turn into parched black curlicues. 

“Ray?” Gavin stumbled back out of his house, bug-eyed with sweat rolling down his neck. His white lab coat boasted a scorch mark, but he seemed unharmed. _Thank God_. With surprising speed, Ray leapt over the fence and easily put out the fire spreading over Gavin’s yard.

He waited a beat as the embers died down, breathing heavily, before he turned to the Brit.

“Dude, what the fuck did you just do?” Ray demanded, still in shock. 

“I... Um.. I..” he sputtered, running his fingers through his ridiculous spiky hair. “I was filming.. I may have set fire to a can of propane.. for my next video...”

“And you didn’t have a fire extinguisher ready? Gav, you idiot, you didn’t even wear safety glasses. You could have gotten hurt!” Ray rambled. 

“I- Shite, I’m sorry. It wasn’t meant to happen like it did- thank you, by the way, for the hose-y.. stuff..”

“Are you for real? Not even a freaking hose at the ready? You dumb fuck.. You could have gotten yourself killed!” 

He wasn’t even really worried about the garden. _Just the dumb boy in the dumb lab coat that did dumb things for hits on YouTube and still managed to look fucking gorgeous doing it._

“Yeah, I know.” He wiped the sweat off his forehead. “I’m an idiot. But it looked good on camera! I even filmed the aftermath for the after-video-bit, that’ll be a laugh..”

That was the moment Ray remembered he was supposed to ask this guy out today. And somehow, his brain told him to do something really dumb. Something to do with only living once? _Damn it, Ryan._

“Um, Gavin?”

In the precious few seconds he had before Gavin answered, Ray reevaluated his choices. He could ask him out at the worst time possible and make everything a billion times more awkward between them, or he could leave it until tomorrow when he’d regained some coherency. He didn't want to procrastinate, but it just wasn't the time.

“Yeah? What’s up?”

“Oh, um, nothing. Just- uh, see you. I kind of have to clean up my garden now..” Ray stammered. 

“I could help you!” Gavin offered. “It was my fault-”

“Nah, I’m good,” Ray said, and instantly wished he hadn’t. “I just need to clip some leaves and replant. It’s no biggie.”

“Okay- sorry, again, for your roses- I mean it. I'll see you around!” He scurried back in his house, no doubt to edit or something stupid like that.

_What a prick_ , Ray thought. _What a hot, British, stupid prick. Why did it have to be him?_

 

* * *

**_9:23pm- The Mad Florist’s_**

The gangly man in the faded skinny jeans pushes open the door for the second time in two days, the tinkling of the bells echoing uncomfortably loud in the near-empty store. He glances at the florist, then at his watch, worried he won’t have enough time.

“I was just closing up shop, so-” the florist says, looking up from his crossword puzzle in annoyance. He stops mid-sentence and a sinister smirk slides across his face as he realizes exactly who has just come into his store.

“You’re the guy from yesterday- Ray’s neighbor, right?” The florist puts down the crossword and spins his chair to gaze slyly at the tall guy, who bites his lip.

“Uh- yeah, I’d say so. Sorry I’m here so late- God, this is embarrassing- could you make me a bouquet of, uh, just pink roses? Can you do that?”

The florist grins. 

Ray has no idea what’s coming for him.


	4. Bonica Rose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey dudes and dudettes! This chapter's a little shorter than usual. Just to let you know, you will probably start dripping syrup while reading this chapter because it is sickeningly sweet. Just a warning.  
> (This chapter was pretty hard to write as I personally have zero romantic experience. So, if anyone wants to leave some crit in the comments it’s seriously welcome, I need all the help I can get!!)  
> Thank you so much for your reviews/comments, kudos and bookmarks! <3  
> -E

_** Gavin**_ 

Gavin’s internal dialogue was a hot mess of what-if’s and maybes as he paced around his dining room, clutching one of the roses he’d bought last night in a sweaty palm. At first he’d thought to give Ray the whole bouquet, but it would be a bit obvious, and what would he do with it? He already had a bushful of roses, and maybe just one would be cute. Or maybe it wouldn’t. Maybe he’d think it was weird. _Ugh. Stop overthinking this._

He’d been awake half the night, thinking over his conversation with the florist, Ryan, the night before. All signs- including Ryan’s ‘cryptic hints’- pointed to Ray feeling the same way, but what if he _didn’t?_ It would make everything awkward between them forever. 

_There’s no way he’d ever go for it. He’s probably straight, and if he wasn’t, why would he like_ you _?_ one part of his mind argued.

_It’s practically meant to be, what with all the weird stuff happening around you two. And what could possibly go wrong? It’s not like you’d be ruining a lifelong friendship,_ another told him.

_Yeah, but you already burnt his garden with your stupid experiment. He probably thinks you're an idiot._

_Remember how he blushed that one time? And when you guys talked for hours about stuff at Geoff’s party? Can’t you see? He totally likes you._

He put his head in his hands, running over all the possibilities. It was like plucking at flower petals, desperately hoping that the last one would say _he loves me_. With one last look at the rose he twirled through his fingers, he made his decision.

_Oh, fuck it._ It wasn't like he had anything to lose.

He pushed open the door to his backyard, squinting in the mellow orange sunlight. The air still smelt of smoke, but it was sweetened with honeysuckle and a fresh breeze. The sun was low in the sky, and it was around five- usually when Ray was in his garden watering his flowers and such. Gavin felt stupid for doing it, but he had kind of memorized Ray’s gardening schedule- he’d tried to convince himself it was because he wanted to film at a different time as to not disturb the man at work, but really he just wanted to _totally-not-creepily_ watch Ray do his thing. Sometimes he even initiated conversation.  

And there he was, holding a rusted green watering can over his newly-trimmed rose bush. He seemed so peaceful, and Gavin didn’t want to disturb him until he was definitely ready. 

The thorns on the rose stem pressed into his back as he held it behind him and planned his next move.

It was then that he stepped on the branch. 

He winced at the loud, splintering crack and stood, a deer in the headlights, as Ray lifted his head in confusion, locking eyes with the terrified Brit.

“Oh, hey, Gavin,” he said casually. “What’s up?”

_Shit_.  _I am not ready for this._

“Um, nothing much..” he mumbled.

“You okay?” Ray stood up, leaving the watering can on the blackened grass.

“Y-yeah, I’m good.” 

Ray narrowed his eyes, but said nothing. The heavy silence stretched out too long to be salvaged with small talk.  His chest constricted as he held his breath, blinking too many times. 

_Now or never._  

He pushed himself up and over the picket fence with the grace of a disabled cow and trotted over to Ray, who had crossed his arms in confusion.

“I was, er, wondering if you maybe ever wanted to grab a drink together or something?” he asked shakily. He extended his arm, holding out the single rose. After five horrifically long seconds, the gardener took it, cupping the pale pink petals delicately in his palms as he stared up at Gavin, mouth hanging open.

“Wow. Um. Uh-” Ray stammered, a ruby flush spreading over his cheeks. “Oh.”

Time seemed to stand still as Gavin processed what just happened- what he just did. The autumn wind twisted through his hair and chilled his bones as it set in.

“Oh..?” _Oh. That’s never a good sign. Fuck, he’s not interested, you idiot._ “Sorry- I, um, I’ll leave you alone forever now..”

He turned to leave and starting hoisting himself back over the fence, internally kicking himself in the face for being so stupid and presumptuous. There was no way it was ever going to work, anyway, so what did it even matter? 

“No!” Ray said hurriedly, grabbing his wrist in a vice-like grip. Gavin turned, eyes wide with apprehension and terror and a glimmer of hope.  
“No,” Ray continued. “I- thank you. I mean, I’d love to- I’d really like to go out with-  shit , I mean, go and have a drink with you sometime.”

Gavin sputtered in surprise. “Really? Oh my _god_ , seriously?”

Ray furrowed his eyebrows. “Uh, yeah.. I guess?”

“Like.. a date? For real?” Gavin asked, grinning widely.

“Yeah, for real!” Ray seemed positively sunny about the prospect. He shook his head, blush creeping further across his face. “I mean, if that’s what _you_ want...”

“Of course it’s what I want, you knob- I’ve been trying to ask you out for a bloody week!”

“So was I!” Ray said sheepishly. “Well, that worked out _way_ better than I expected. So, what, do we exchange numbers or somethin’? I’m not really experienced in this sort of stuff.”

Gavin bit his lip. “Yeah, I guess? Um.. do you want to meet for a date? I’m free pretty much anytime.”

“Okay, so there’s this coffee shop that I go to sometimes before work, it’s on Robinson and 4th, called, uh, Java Pit, or something? Best lattes in the _world_.”

“ _Java Pit?_ ” Gavin could hardly believe his ears. _This has way too many coincidences to be real, holy shit._ Michael worked there- his best friend. And he took the early shifts, too.

“What? Something wrong?”

“Nah, just- one of my friends works there,” he explained. “Crazy, right?”

“I’ve stopped being surprised at this point,” Ray laughed. “So, um, do you want my number, or-”

“Oh, right, right. Here, fill in yours on my phone.” Gavin quickly unlocked it and handed it to the gardener, who wasted no time in typing out his details. 

He handed the phone back, but seemed mesmerized by the pristine flower he held so carefully. “This is beautiful. Bonica rose, I think?”

“Yeah,” confirmed Gavin, a laugh escaping his lips in his elation. “Yeah, it is.”

“Ryan had a bunch of these delivered to his store yesterday- I took stock. Wait, did you..”

“Go to The Mad Florist’s again? Yeah, couldn’t think of another place to go.” Gavin smiled sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck.

“Huh. Uh, text me later, so I can save your number on my phone? We can work out the time for the, uh, _date_ later- I gotta go- Ry's asked me to help out at the store.”

“Oh, that's cool!” Gavin said, too giddy to protest. “I guess I’ll see you, then?”

“Sooner than you’d think,” Ray warned jokingly, waving as he slid open his back door to go inside.

“Bye, flower boy!” Gavin called, turning back as he grinned uncontrollably, his cheeks stating to ache from the strain.

 

* * *

 

Of course, he had to tell Michael. He’d want to know. 

He dialed in the number and waited as the call very nearly rung out, getting picked up at the very last second.

“Gavin?” Michael’s voice was coarse and grumpy. So, no different from usual. “Dude, I’m busy. Can you call back later?”

“No! No, I need you.”

“Ugh, what do you _want_ , Gav?”

“Something crazy just happened and I need you to come over right now. Like, right _freaking_ now.”

“Well, I have to do some dumb essay for college. I’ve got shit to do, dude.”

“Boi, I’m serious. You need to come over! This is not the sort of thing I can just tell you over the phone! Come on, you can play Halo on my Xbox if you want.”

“God, the _one time_ I’m actually motivated to do school work. Alright, fine, but it’s your fault if I fail. I do not want to do over this course, dickhead.” Michael hung up.

 

* * *

 

Michael arrived some twenty minutes later, unruly russet hair stuffed in a beanie. He practically barged in, as he was wont to do, and leapt onto the couch as if he lived there, scooping up a controller and switching on the screen in one fluid motion.

“Dude, what was so important you couldn’t tell me over the phone?” He noticed Gavin awkwardly leaning on the dining room table, hands in his pockets, an anxious look on his face. “Hey, you okay? Something wrong? Is it cancer? Hey, don't die on me, bro.”

“No! Oh my God, _Michael_ , it’s nothing like that. Um..” 

“Gav. _Boi_. Seriously. What’s up with you?” Michael narrowed his eyes.

“Um...” _Fuck. Just tell him, you idiot. He already knows you’re bi, you told him years ago._ “I kind of have a sort-of boyfriend.”

The word tasted strange on his fumbling tongue. _Boyfriend_. It had been a long time since he'd called anyone that.

“What?” Michael dropped the controller, mouth hanging open. “No way.”

“...Yeah. That happened today. I mean, we’re going on a date soon. I _think_ that makes him my boyfriend?” _Stop blushing_ , he told himself. _Nothing to be embarrassed about._

“Does that have anything to do with the bouquet of pink roses on your dining room table?” Michael asked, smirking.

“...Yeah?”

“You romantic son of a bitch. What, did you give him just the one, for dramatic effect?”

“Yep.”

“Dude, that’s adorable as _fuck_. Didn’t know you had it in you. Who is he?”

“Well, he’s _actually_ my next door neighbor, and he’s a gardener, too, hence the.. flowers. He’s _really_ into flowers. His name’s Ray, and-”

“Why don’t you tell me the whole story from the beginning while we play Halo?” Michael suggested. “Cause I am itching to kill some aliens right now.” 

Gavin grinned. _Typical Michael._ “Yeah. Don’t beat me too bad.”

“I make no promises.”

 


	5. Lilac

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was cute as fuck to write, holy crap. I had to watch SO MANY Slow Mo Guys videos, too (sorry for my sparse camera knowledge!!). Also, YouTube comments suck. Hope you enjoy! And, as always, comments, crit, kudos and bookmarks are crazy loved! <3  
> -E

**_Ray_**

It was nearing the end of September now, nearly two weeks after their date at the Java Pit, and Ray still hadn’t told his mom about Gavin.

It wasn’t like she wouldn’t accept him or anything- but he worked himself up over it so much that he’d convinced himself he didn’t need to. And it wasn’t as if they were _dating_ , right? They’d gone on a couple of dates, but.. Okay, they were dating. But did he _have_ to tell anyone about it?

It was just so awkward and he would have to explain the whole sexuality thing- which he still didn’t fully understand, by the way - and it wasn’t properly official yet, anyway, so what was the point?

They were lying side-by-side on the meticulously cut grass of Ray’s backyard one lazy afternoon, deep green blades tickling their cheeks, when Gavin fumbled for his hand and entangled their fingers. Ray flinched from the sudden intimacy of the situation- _Oh, get a hold of yourself, Narvaez, you’re just holding hands_ \- but relaxed, instinctually burrowing his face in the crook of Gavin’s neck. The Brit hummed, content, listening to the low buzz of crickets and cicadas.

“D’ya think you could ever be in a Slow Mo Guy video?” Gavin asked suddenly, rolling onto his side to meet Ray’s eyes. He had to think about it for a second.

“I mean, maybe? I guess it would depend on the video- I don’t really want to get _hate_ or anything..”

“ _You?_ Get _hate?_ ” Gavin squawked, incredulous. “Why would anyone hate you? Besides, my subscribers are pretty mature compared to others’ out there. I doubt anyone would- well, maybe in the one I’m planning...”

“And what would that be?”

“Um.. I’ve always wanted to be as truthful as possible with my audience,” he explained. “And I’ve been waiting for an opportunity to tell them about.... whatever this is. And I thought that maybe we could do it in a funny way?”

“Gav. What the hell are you talking about?”

“I had this video idea a couple of years ago. Not sure how it would look, exactly, but I’ve always wanted to film a kiss in slow motion, and-”

Ray blinked. “You want me to kiss you in a Slow Mo Guy video?” he interrupted.

“...Yeah? You don’t have to, if you’re not comfortable or anything, but..” Gavin trailed off, rolling onto his back to stare at the sunset-saturated clouds stretching across the sky.

Ray ran it through his mind- it _would_ be a cool way to tell his family in a funny dumb way, and he could deal with a few ten-year-olds calling him gay over the internet. Then again... he hadn’t even _privately_ kissed Gavin yet. He didn’t want their first kiss to be the subject of a YouTube video that would probably get over a million views.

“Would you kiss me first?” The words tumbled from Ray’s mouth before he could stop himself. “Before we filmed it?”

Gavin drew himself up to a kneeling position and stared at him like he was the only thing in the world, and at that moment they each became the center of the other’s universe. “Course I would, you pleb.” 

Ray sat up and tucked his legs under him, everything ablaze with the glowing orange of the setting sun. Their hands were still entwined but Gavin pulled one away and brushed petal-soft fingers over Ray’s stubbly cheek. His senses went into overdrive and every touch was wildfire racing in his veins and _holy crap he’s going to kiss me_.

“I, um, I didn’t mean now, I just- _Gav_ , I-”

“Shut up and kiss me.”

Ray complied.

Everything was so close and warm and _God_ , he wanted nothing more than to dissolve in the feeling of the heavy stillness before their lips met.

Galaxies were born and died in that single moment, and their faces were so close Ray could feel Gavin’s eyelashes fluttering against his forehead and then it was all _lips_ and _together_ and _mine_ , and everything was silent but for the warbling of insects.

It must have lasted two seconds, maybe three, no tongue or touching or anything, but to Ray it was forever and a day.

Gavin was the first to pull back, breathing deeply with that dumb cocky smile of his plastered across his pretty face. 

“Oops,” he mumbled. 

“Please tell me I wasn’t dreaming that,” Ray said breathlessly. Everything was rose-tinted and night was falling and it was just to perfect to be real.

“Nope. Completely conscious.”

Ray flopped on his back, watching stars glimmer into existence in the lilac sky.

“I’ll do it.”

“Do what?” Gavin asked airily, lying down beside him. 

“The video. Why not, right?”

 

* * *

 

_Why not, right?_

It was the day of the shoot and Ray hadn’t even felt this nervous at his own graduation. 

For once, they weren’t in Gavin’s back garden. He’d opted to do it inside, with lighting rigs and all that to ‘make it more dramatic’. Ray had spent his day off trying desperately not to think about the hundreds of thousands of people about to see his face in 1080p.

He took a few deep, calming breaths as Gavin set up both his Phantom Flex and his little regular camera on fancy tripods in his study and switched on the lighting stuff. 

“You alright?” Gavin asked, jostling him in the side with his elbow. “S’not too late to back out.”

“Nah, I’m good,” replied Ray, who squinted as his eyes adjusted to the bright yellow lights shining directly in his face. Gavin simply shrugged and pressed the record button on his regular camera.

“Hello, YouTube, wanted to do something a little different for the video today,” he started, slinging his arm over Ray’s shoulders. “This is Ray, nice bloke, happens to be my boyfriend.” He tossed the word out casually, with the lightest hint of venom under it, but Ray forced out a good-natured grin and lifted a hand in greeting.

“And, for science, I’m going to film me kissing him. Well, not really for science, more for laughs. We’re shooting at five hundred frames a second, sort of fast compared to other videos- not an explosion or anythin’ like that. Alright, Ray, ready?”

He nodded, taking a second to brush a bit of hair out of his face. He had never felt so self-conscious and it was weird. _Deep breaths._

“Right, then.” 

With a light tap, he started up the Phantom and ran straight back to Ray, pulling him in by the collar as their lips collided. It wasn’t sweet or soulful like their earlier one, but Ray didn’t mind. It was rushed and fast and silly- just a peck, really- but Gavin was grinning through the kiss, and then he was gone again, rushing to stop the recordings before the four seconds were up. With a satisfied mutter, he beckoned Ray to the screen where it played back on repeat.

He had to admit, the kiss was sort of adorable in slow motion. Yeah, their skin did a funny ripple-y thing when they were crushed against each other, and yeah, Ray’s wide, shocked eyes looked kind of stupid, but... it was cute all the same. 

“Nice,” he commented, clearing his throat. “You gonna edit love-hearts onto it or what?”

“Very funny.” Gavin’s feeble attempt at a glare made Ray giggle a little bit. “Now get out, I have to _edit_ if I want it up by tonight.”

 

* * *

First it was Twitter. Of course it was Twitter. Why did it always have to be Twitter?

Gavin had just posted an update that he was uploading the new video, but he _had_ to go and include Ray’s Twitter handle in it, too. When he refreshed the page, he had fifty followers. Then a hundred. _For God’s sake._

People were already asking him who he was- he didn’t have the heart to reply. One tweet in the depths of his notifications did catch his eye, though.

@JarOfVinegar: _Is @RNarvaezJR the new Dan Gruchy? Hope not._  

Ray had to physically restrain himself from replying. _Stay out of it_ , he scolded himself. _They don’t even know who you are yet._  

His phone buzzed- not a Twitter pop-up, thank God. It was a text from Ryan.

**[5:32:49 PM] Rye-Bread:** You free for dinner tonight? I need to hear about your dates!!  

Ray grinned and texted back.

**[5:33:12 PM] Ray:** Yeah! The Chipotle near your store sound good? :P

**[5:33:57 PM] Rye-Bread:** Cool by me, see you there around 6?

**[5:34:21 PM] Ray:** Hell yeah!

That would keep his mind off the internet for a while. He quickly messaged Gavin to let him know where he was then grabbed the keys to his Chevy. 

  

* * *

Cheap Mexican food and Ryan’s vaguely sociopathic jokes made him forget all about the YouTube thing for a while, but his laptop (and his brain) nearly short-circuited when he opened it up again back at home. 

The first thing he noticed was the five thousand Twitter followers he’d gained in a single hour. He hadn’t even posted a single tweet yet. 

Avoiding his many, _many_ notifications, he then loaded up Gavin’s new video. It was perfectly fine, still cute, and Ray didn’t look as bad as he originally thought he would. But he made a huge mistake in scrolling down to the comments. Gavin’s audience was mostly twelve to eighteen year old boys, he could hardly expect them to be mature about it. Still, it hit Ray hard.

**MyneKraft2005:** What teh Fuck?!?? Faggs!!!! 

Okay, that one was kind of funny, actually. Especially from someone who seemed to be about nine years old.  

**666Crewzin:** this wasn’t even cool, i would have liked it more if it was u and a girl but this wasnt interesting or even a cool slow motion vid. hope u stop making this kind of stuff and make some actual good content.

Ray sighed as he loaded more comments. For each one congratulating Gavin or talking strange fangirl language he could only describe as _‘asdfghjkl <3_’, there were countless others telling them to burn in Hell, or kill themselves, or break up. 

And then there were the inevitable.

**CraziGirlStuff:** You replaced Dan??? 

**AlexaYe1999:** What happened to Dan? This new guy isn’t even cute.

**HappyRage007:** **#BringBackDan**

That was the most Ray could take for one night. He slammed the lid down and curled up on the couch.

It shouldn’t have bothered him that much. He didn’t really give a crap about what God thought about it, or what slurs some dumb kids were throwing at him, but the whole Dan thing was throwing him off. He didn’t even know the guy and people were mad at him about it.

Why did he care so much anyway? The situation was making him feel sick to the stomach. _Sticks and stones may break my bones.._

Then his phone buzzed again. 

**[8:02:36 PM] Gavin <3:** seen the new vid yet? :-)

**[8:03:02 PM] Ray:** Yeah, it was cool

**[8:03:10 PM] Ray:** The comments kind of suck though.

**[8:04:21 PM] Gavin <3:** first rule of youtube: never read your own comments. they generally suck nobs.

**[8:05:56 PM] Ray:** Yeah. Can you come over?

**[8:06:45 PM] Gavin** <3: something wrong??

**[8:07:23 PM] Ray:** Nah... just want you over here, I guess?

**[8:08:03 PM] Gavin <3:** sure, be right there, love!!

Two weeks on, and he still got butterflies from pet names.  _I'm in so deep._

Not a minute later, he heard five rapid knocks on his front door, followed by a few rings of the doorbell. He yawned and stretched his arms out, groggily pushing himself off the couch. His throat was doing that thing it did when he held back tears and it ached like a bitch.

“Ray!” Gavin practically barged in, grabbing Ray by the wrist as he so loved to do and dragging him back into the living room, sitting them both down on the sofa. “Now, why don’t you tell me what’s going on?”

“Christ, what are you, a psychiatrist?” Ray joked weakly. “Uh, nothing’s _wrong_ , exactly. Your comments are kinda a war-zone, though.”

“Yeah...” Gavin trailed off. “Pretty much. I don’t really pay attention to that stuff.”

“But I did,” Ray confessed, voice breaking a tiny bit. _Don’t you dare get emotional over YouTube comments, you sad fuck._ “I read through them and it got to me and I don’t know why.” He crossed his arms. “People on Twitter already hated me before the video. It freaked me out a little.”

Gavin bit his lips. “But that’s the internet, yeah? Everything’s a bit crazier. A bit more intense. S’just words on a screen.”

“I guess.” He kept taking deeper and deeper breaths and the painful lump in his throat was swelling until he could barely speak. _Don’t have a freaking panic attack with Gavin. Don’t have a panic attack. Don’t have-_

Ray jumped as he was engulfed in a stifling hug. “Hey.” Gavin’s voice was muffled as he tried to speak through a mouthful of purple hoodie. “Don’t listen to the crap in the comment sections. They’re just dumb idiots who don’t know any better, alright? They don’t know you like I do.”

Ray hummed in agreement, fear melting away, and sank deeper into the warm comfort of Gavin’s arms. 

They lay there for a while, all tangled up in each other on the tiny threadbare couch, Ray’s head on Gavin’s chest, listening to two different heartbeats beat out their drums. A soft hand was running through Ray’s hair. He turned his head lazily, giggling as their foreheads knocked together.

“Are we boyfriends?” Ray asked suddenly, almost whispering the last word. 

“If you want,” Gavin mumbled, a tired smile dancing across his lips hovering not an inch from Ray’s face. “Yeah, I guess we are.”

“‘Kay.”

His boyfriend ( _boyfriend!_ ) took his head in his hands and pulled him in for a chaste kiss. It was sweeter and softer than the others, and as Gavin leant back Ray found himself yearning for more. He nuzzled Gavin’s neck, falling asleep to quiet exhales.

_I am so fucking lucky._


	6. Tiger Lily

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Halloween Special chapter! Sorry this is a little later than usual. I wasn’t planning to write this originally, but as it is October and we’re all getting excited for everyone’s favorite spooky festival, I thought it might be appropriate to spread some adorkable festive cheer! Happy reading, everyone. <3  
> -E

**_Gavin_**

“Ghosts?”

“Nah.”

“Vampires?”

“Fuck no.”

“Wizards!”

“Ha ha, _no_.”

Gavin pouted, lying spreadeagled across Ray’s couch, as his boyfriend disproved every single costume idea he had. 

In the emailed invite Michael sent them for his annual Halloween house party a couple of weeks ago, he’d specified that they needed to wear costumes to the bash, just like every year. But this year they couldn't be store-bought Walmart varieties, oh no, that would be way too easy. They had to be _home-made_. 

Stupid Michael and his stupid _themes_. Last year it’d been something sensible, at least- animals. He just had to show up with some cat ears and he was good to go for a night of bevs. But seriously, who expects his mainly college-age social circle to make their own costumes? _What a bloody idiot._

So they’d decided to do some sort of couple costume, just for laughs. The only problem was deciding what exactly they were going to do. But it was already the thirtieth of October, and they were still arguing about it.

“Ugh, come on, X-Ray,” Gavin groaned. 

_“X-Ray?”_ Ray sputtered, offended.

“What? It’s a nickname.”

“Sounds like some dumb superhero.”

Something in Gavin’s brain clicked. A vision of gloves, tights, boots and boxers...

“Superheroes!” he yelled out suddenly, grinning widely. _Oh, this’ll be fun._

Ray frowned. “Huh?”

“We should be superheroes!” He could almost see the gears turning in Ray’s head. He turned to Gavin, eyes lit up with childish glee.

“Dude, _yes_. I’d be X-Ray and.. who’d you be?” 

“Urm...” Gavin was stumped. There weren’t many punny things he could do with his name.

Ray chuckled, stroking his stubbly chin. “What about Free-Man?”

“Eurgh, no. Get creative.”

“Gav-inator?”

“What am I, a bloody robot?”

“Well..” Ray paused. “X-Ray’s your nickname for me, and Gav is my nickname for you, so what about just Gav?”

“Actually, that might work. X-Ray and Vav!” Gavin said triumphantly, mouth fumbling the last word. “Wait, sorry, said it wrong, X-Ray and _Gav_.”

“Nah, Vav sounds pretty good, actually.”

“Really?”

“I like it. More.. _mysterious_.”

“You’re an idiot.”

 

* * *

 

Ray knew a guy who knew a guy that owned a thrift store downtown, so after about an hour of driving through a web of Austin’s grittier streets, they finally pulled over at a shockingly pretty little street-corner shop amongst boarded-up apartments and shady stores. It was painted a gorgeous pale pink, with a sign up front naming it ‘Donut’s Thrift Store, est. 2003’.

“Donut?” Gavin scoffed as they walked up the steps to the entrance. “You know a guy named Donut?”

Ray wrinkled his nose. “No, man. I’ve never met him personally. Just heard some kickass stories about him in high school.”

_Doesn’t seem very kickass_ , Gavin thought as he ducked under the glittering dreamcatcher swinging from the door.

Inside, there were rows upon rows of meticulously organized used clothing and shelves chock full of knick-knacks. A Top 40 hit was playing softly through speakers, and there was not a Donut in sight.

“You got the list?” Gavin asked after a quick scan of the racks, satisfied that they’d be able to find what they needed. Ray nodded, pulling out his phone.

“So, we need two body suits, two pairs of gloves, two pairs of boots, two capes and two pairs of underwear. Though, we probably already have underwear at home.. And maybe some sort of accessory?” he rambled as Gavin plucked a dark cloak-like thing from a hanger that he could use as a cape. 

“What were we thinking about for powers, though?” Gavin pondered. “Considering that’s what the whole costume’s gonna be based around.”

“Well, it’s gotta be X-ray vision for me, right? And you could have.. hey what about slowing down time or something? Get it, ‘cuz you’re the Slow Mo Guy?”

“That... that’s a bloody top idea. I guess that would look like super speed to everyone else, though I’d think everyone else was just slow, right?” He sat on his haunches and rifled through a box full of miscellaneous gubbins and junk, pulling out a pair of black rubber gloves and some gag glasses. The glasses were round and rose-tinted, with a white swirl through the lenses and a thick, dark rim. “Hey, found your X-ray glasses!’ he exclaimed, handing them up. Ray took off his rectangular ones and slid them on, laughing. 

“Dude, I can barely see,” he complained with a goofy smile. “These things aren’t prescription.”

“Wear contacts or something,” said Gavin as he analyzed the next rack. Something red, white and blue caught his eye, a corner of fabric fluttering in the blasting air-con. It was a tattered British flag, and it was bloody huge. And then he had the best idea ever.

“Ray,” he breathed. “Ray, _look_.”

His boyfriend was still fiddling with the glasses, but he switched back to his normal ones and tilted his head.  
“Nice. British flag, right?”

“Ray, this could be my _cape_. Wouldn’t that look lovely? Like, I’d have a blue suit and red stuff and a British cape and everything and it would match.”

Ray scratched his chin. “Y’know, that might just work out. Or you’ll look like a huge asshole. But either’s good.”

About twenty minutes later, they’d somehow found a couple of morph suits in blue and green that they could cut the head-coverings off, and suitable red accessories for Vav. They dumped it all unceremoniously on the cashier’s desk, where a twenty-something man was snoring in his chair. Gavin poked him a few times, glaring at Ray, who just shrugged.

Suddenly, the cashier jolted awake, smiling sleepily. He had shaggy blonde hair and a surfer-dude handsomeness about him, though he broke that stereotype in a pastel pink collared shirt with a tiny pin on the pocket naming him Donut.

“Hey, guys, sorry about that. Slow day,” he said, rubbing his eyes. “Doing some last-minute Halloween shopping?” Donut eyed the pile of red, blue, black and green suspiciously.

“Yeah,” Gavin replied. “Y’know.”

Somehow Donut kept his watery blue eyes fixed on them as he scanned the items. “Superheroes, huh?”

“Uh-huh. ‘S for a party.”

“That’s cool. Y’know, once I was at this Halloween party at a frat, and somehow Simmons got me to dress in drag for the night... I think I might have made out with Tucker at some point. Man, that was a good time.”

“...Right.”

Gavin forked out some cash to pay for the items, and they hauled the pile of stuff to the car outside, giggling to themselves about how stupid they’d look as they drove back to Ray’s.

 

* * *

 

“Why did we do this again?”

“You’re the one who came up with it, Gav!”

“Hey, that’s Vav to you.”

“Shut up.”

The pair tugged at their skintight suits as they stepped out of Ray’s house into the chilly autumn air. Ray’s black cape billowed ridiculously in the breeze as he cursed, prodding his eyes under the X-ray glasses.

“These contacts are fucking annoying, man. Why couldn’t I just wear regular glasses?” 

Gavin scoffed. “You need to keep up the _image_ , X-Ray!”

Ray rolled his eyes, then jumped as his phone chimed.

“Ryan finally texted back,” he said. “He can come.”

“Blimey, what do you think he’ll be wearing?”

“Honestly? Not a damn clue. Knowing Ryan, this’ll either be the best costume ever.. or the worst.”

They got into Ray’s beat-up Chevy and took the now-familiar route down to The Mad Florist’s, where Ryan said he was waiting. 

He was sitting on the curb, looking bored as hell. He didn’t seem to be wearing a costume at all, just a white t-shirt with dark slacks, until he stood up to get into the car. Printed neatly on the shirt in black marker were the words ‘THIS IS MY HALLOWEEN COSTUME.’ 

“Nice one, Rye,” Ray said, rolling his eyes.

Ryan looked them over from the back seat, raising his eyebrows. “You can talk. You two look ridiculous,” he drawled.

“Yeah,” Ray sighed. “We know.”

 

* * *

Michael’s house seemed to pulse with living energy. 

Electronic music and flashing orange lights radiated from the open windows, and around twenty softly flickering pumpkins decorated the front windows. Gavin had no idea how Michael put so much effort into it. 

The trio edged their way inside, already catching the sharp scent of alcohol from the front door. The inside of the house looked nothing like it usually did. Someone had cleaned the clutter off the floor and fixed decorations across the walls- probably Lindsay. She was the artsy one in the relationship.

They got there early enough that it wasn’t horrendously crowded, and as they made their way to the living room they heard laughter and, surprisingly, _compliments_ for their shitty costumes. Gavin grinned at the onlookers as Ray and him imitated a superhero pose for their adoring crowd of about ten people.

“Gavin! Oh my god, it’s been, like, forever!” yelled a familiar voice as something tall and blonde pushed its way towards them. A silvery mask couldn’t hide the unmistakable childish grin- it was Barbara, dressed as some sort of princess in a glittering dress that hugged her hips. 

“Barb!” he exclaimed, pulling her into a rushed hug. “Ha, didn’t think to see you here. When was the last time? JJ’s spring break bev night, was it?”

“Yeah, I think so,” she said, pulling off her mask to give X-Ray and Vav a skeptical once-over. “Uh, what are you wearing? Who’s this?”

“This is Ray, my, erm, boyfriend.” Before she got the chance to say anything about _that_ bombshell, he rushed to keep talking. “A-and we decided to be superheroes. For the party. Kinda an inside joke. I’m Vav, he’s X-Ray, we fight crime. Same old, same old.”

Barbara didn’t seem fazed. “Sweet. You guys seem to be the only people here that actually put in some freaking effort to this whole costume thing. Apparently some of Michael’s college friends are coming over later in flippin’ _togas!_ I mean, come on. Toga parties are _so_ last decade.”

Ryan chuckled- the first noise he’d made all night. Barbara looked him over curiously, smirking as she read the words on his ‘costume’. “Nice, uh, t-shirt, buddy. What’d that take you, thirty seconds?”

“More like fifteen,” Ryan retorted, returning a sly smile. “I’m fighting the system.”

Gavin cleared his throat, grabbing Ray’s wrist. “Come on, X-Ray, let’s leave these two to their flirting. See ya, Barb!”

They skidded into the living room where Michael and Lindsay were entertaining some of the guests over at the punch-slash-alcohol-slash-DJ table. 

Lindsay had dressed as a cat, again. She’d been doing so for the past three years, so it was hardly a surprise that a knitted tail poked out of her leggings. But Michael.. what the hell _was_ he? He was sporting rags and ripped jeans, and someone had painted his face expertly in a decaying grey-green- though it was hard to really make out the exact shade in the multicolored light show he’d rigged up with his trainee engineer skills. He turned to a couple of lounging guests and thrust his arms out horizontally, mumbling what sounded like “ _Brains...”_ , which got him a few laughs.

“Michael!” Gavin called over the thrumming music. He turned, bronze curls bouncing as he took in the not-so-glorious sight of X-Ray and Vav. 

“Christ,” he muttered, Lindsay dissolving in a fit of laughter behind him. “You guys are fuckin’ crazy. I can’t believe you actually did something.”

“Ta-da?”

“Superheroes, Gav? Really?”

Gavin frowned. “ _I_ thought it was a good idea. Come on, it’s bloody creative! You’re just a dumb zombie.”

Michael stuck his tongue out. “Alright, fine, your costumes are pretty cool. Nice touch with the glasses, Ray.”

“I can’t fucking see through them, but thanks, man,” Ray quipped. “Your makeup is badass, by the way.”

“Dude, Lindsay has hidden talents.” Michael shrugged, slinging his arm around his girlfriend. “Alright, you two want some punch? I promise I _definitely_ didn’t spike it. And by ‘didn’t spike it’, I mean I poured pretty much an entire bottle of Grey Goose in there.”

“Count me in!” Gavin cheered, wiping a trickle of sweat from his forehead. _Let’s get this party started._

 

* * *

 

The scene tilted, swimming in a blurry mess of orange and yellow, like a tiger lily. Gavin giggled, collapsing into one of the couches and staring at the ceiling, mesmerized by the flickering lights as everything washed over him in a spinning, hazy patchwork of memory. The night had gone by so _quickly_. 

He vaguely recalled a small army of frat boys tripping over their bedsheets that he supposed were meant to be togas, and he knew that at one point he’d caught Ryan and Barbara doing, well, _something_ in the corner of the guest bedroom- he didn’t remember much. He’d lost Ray at some point, and his cape was gone. Parts of the night came and went in dizzy flashes, colors overexposed and bursting with feeling and the bittersweet taste of his last mojito rising in his throat. Everything he felt was amplified, every regret eating away at him, every good time spurring waves of pure elation.

He’d always been an emotional drunk.

Through his vertigo, something grabbed his hand, calloused fingers curling into his palm and dragging him back to Earth. A face came into focused above him, out of focus but unmistakeable. Those round brown eyes, that pretty pink mouth framed by dark stubble...

“Woah, woah, Vav,” Ray warned. The sound rippled and twisted, as if Gavin was behind a screen of glass. “Come on, buddy, we’re going home.”

“What time is it?” Gavin asked, confused. _Going home? Why would we do that?_

Ray chuckled. “Two in the morning. C’mon, I’m driving. I’m pretty much the only person here not wasted.”

“X-Ray-” He trailed off, and his heart began to pound. Ray lifted him onto his feet and helped him stumble through the trashed living room.

“..Yeah? What’s up?”

“I love you.” 

And it was true. Of course it was true, there was no doubt about it. Gavin and Ray, Ray and Gavin, they were meant to be and all Gavin felt was dizzy bliss as they left the sweltering party and stumbled through the paralyzingly cold November air into Ray’s car. Wait, was it November already? His head was swirling. 

The ride back was fuzzy, but Gavin swore he could hear Ray whispering, “I love you too,” over the radio.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I tweaked the Vav design a bit (because he had to have a British flag somewhere and can you imagine that dork running around with a Union Jack cape??), and yes, that was a RvB reference because how could I not, right? Also, I have no idea how parties (or drunk people) work. Sorry.  
> (and just to let y’all know: if you have any questions about the fic at all you can always contact me on my tumblr at steferogers.tumblr.com!)


	7. Heather

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo, sorry for the wait, it was assessment week at school, argh. This one’s a little heavy and hella long, but the actual angst is yet to come (cue ominous music??). Like, this ain’t even the beginning of it.  
> Er, on that note, happy reading! Feedback is appreciated! <3  
> -E

**_Ray_**

The airport smelled like cleaning fluid and gasoline. Raindrops rolled down the wide windows, falling in a heavy sheet.

Ray sipped at his cheap coffee and watched through the blur of the water as Gavin’s plane lifted off the runway and disappeared into the white fog, a pale blot shrinking in the distance.

_It’ll only be two weeks, he said. You’ll be fine on your own, he said._

Gavin had taken a job in Los Angeles, doing cinematography and slow motion for some new show. Ray had insisted he wouldn’t mind, and he really thought he wouldn’t, but the twisting in his gut was telling him otherwise. 

_Come on, Narvaez, you can go a fortnight without your boyfriend, don’t be such a clingy bitch_ , he told himself, slipping on his headphones and making his way out of the terminal into the blustering drizzle.

 

* * *

 

**[1:08:40 PM] Gavin <3:** it’s been three days and i’m already bored as nobs. filmed the same scene over and over again for about an hour and we just got that news that it’s being cut anyway >:(

**[1:09:08 PM] X-Ray:** Oh, man, that’s bullshit. But trust me, I’m 100% bored-er. Geoff’s got me trimming hedges today. HEDGES.

**[1:09:46 PM] Gavin <3:** bored-er?? that’s not a word

**[1:10:23 PM] X-Ray:** Literally none of the words you use on a daily basis are words.

**[1:10:56 PM] Gavin <3:** what are you talking about?? like what? 

**[1:11:38 PM] X-Ray:** Nob, pleb, bevs, gob, tippy-top... I could go on, but it’d take too long.

**[1:12:07 PM] Gavin <3:** those are totally words, ya numpty. 

**[1:12:25 PM] X-Ray:** And again with the fake words, you dork. Numpty? Seriously?

**[1:15:29 PM] X-Ray:** ...Gav?

**[1:17:01 PM] X-Ray:** I guess you’re filming. I should probably get back to work too, huh. ttyl?

**[1:17:57 PM]** **X-Ray:** I’m lame. Sorry.

**[2:34:09 PM] X-Ray:** Finally finished the hedges. Ugh.  


**[3:05:33 PM] X-Ray:** ARE YOU EVEN ALIVE??

**[4:13:28 PM] Gavin <3:** whoops, had to set up this huuuge slowmo stunt that’s gonna take up my entire day, and i had to work through lunch :-(( can’t talk now, can we skype later?

**[4:14:09 PM] X-Ray:** HELL YEAH. 

**[4:14:56 PM] X-Ray:** I’m fucking excited. Missed your dumb face. And your dumb noises. It’s wayy too quiet around here.

**[4:15:34 PM] X-Ray:** I miss you. 

**[4:16:11 PM] Gavin <3:** miss you too, luv!! i’ll be off work at around 8? i think?? the time difference makes that 10pm for you, i guess. wait shit my director’s coming ovgerlg;r.,,,,

**[4:16:59 PM] X-Ray:** See you at eight, dickweed.  <3

 

* * *

 

The house _was_ too quiet. 

Ray used to love the silence, the stillness of being alone, but without Gavin messing around, his house just seemed empty. Usually he would be squawking, or yelling, or some weird hypothetical question, but now the only sound was the echoing clack of Ray’s Vans on the tiled floor. 

He went out into the garden, pulling on dirt-stained gloves and brandishing his rusted trowel. He kept glancing over his shoulder at Gavin’s yard, half expecting him to pop out and start filming something stupid, piercing the silence with some ridiculous exclamation. But the only noises that made their way into Ray’s ears were rustling leaves and the occasional bird call, and Gavin and his camera were across the country locked in a sound stage somewhere. He uprooted his wilting calla lilies with a little more force than usual. 

It was November and it was almost time to clear out his garden for his January crop, everything drooping or browned from the forceful cold. The yellow-painted birdhouse him and Gavin had installed (after weeks of begging from the Brit) was almost never occupied as all the wildlife began to huddle or hibernate until Spring. The tree which had plagued his garden with piles of red-and-golden leaves for so long had finally shed all of its shrubbery, leaving a spindly skeleton of bark that stretched its fingers over the fence. 

The dirt was hard-packed, crumbling and cold on his fingertips as he dug up a dying heather shrub that had somehow snaked its way under the white picket fence between their houses, roots clambering up the cracks between the planks of wood. The pale purple buds had shrunk and browned, and the musty, sweet smell had faded, replaced by the sharper, undefinable scent of winter. 

The sun was already setting by half past five, and he had to head inside, albeit composing a mental list of jobs he had to take care of. _Prune the roses for spring. Compost the dead annuals. Get a new trowel. Plant snowdrops, witch-hazel and hellebores for the winter bloom. Repaint the fence._

Ray made himself a steaming mug of hot chocolate and settled onto the couch, booting up his Xbox and lamenting at the swiftly darkening sky. There was still around four hours until Gavin got off work- he’d just have to pass the time with a few rounds of Call of Duty.

 

* * *

As soon as Ray’s watch clicked to ten, he practically threw his controller down and wrenched the laptop open. He tapped his fingers on the keypad impatiently as Skype loaded up, his webcam flashing an encouraging green light. He clicked on Gavin’s name, starting up the call, and fixed the position of the laptop on the table subconsciously so he didn’t have three chins or crossed eyes.

It rang five times before a fuzzy, pixelated image appeared on the screen, accompanied by a grainy mumbling.

“Vav!” Ray called, waiting for his boyfriend’s face to come into view.

The image started to focus. Green eyes, a sharp nose, and a cheeky grin. 

“X-Ray!”

“How’ve you been, asshat?” Ray asked lightly, trying to determine if the dark shadows under Gavin’s eyes were a trick of the light or the result of lack of sleep.

“I’m alright, if you don’t count the 12-hour work days... or the pleb director,” he laughed. “Hotel bed’s a plus.” He gestured to the mess of a suite behind him. “And this may be the first shoot I’ve been on where the set food isn’t complete crap.”

“They overworking you over there? You look pretty worn out,” Ray commented casually.

“ _Thanks_ , Ray.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that- but seriously, you okay?” 

He _did_ look tired, Ray decided. His eyes had lost their manic gleam, and he looked like he was going to doze off any second now.

“What? No, Ray, I’m.. I’m fine. Jus’ not used to working so long. Anyway, how’s Austin? Still cold?”

“Oh, yeah,” Ray replied, the quick change of subject making him uneasy. “Fucking freezing. I had to dig up a ton of my shrubs and flowers, they’re going brown and wilting _already_. It’s not even December yet!” He paused for a moment, stopping himself from going into one of his gardening rants. “And... I don’t have much to do. I have a few more days at Geoff’s, prepping his garden for the winter, then I have a couple months off.” He sighed, plucking some dead skin from his cuticle and dropping his voice to a murmur. “I might not continue my contract next year. I mean, they probably don’t really need me.”  
“Really?” Gavin furrowed his eyebrows. “Then what are you planning to do?”

“To be honest? I might start working at the Mad Florist’s full time. Ryan’s up for it, and I think it’ll be better for me. More of a, uh, ‘real job’, y’know.”

“That’s top!” Gavin exclaimed. “Good for you. You’ll keep gardening, though, right?”

“Duh. It’s the only thing I’m really freaking good at,” Ray said, smiling. “I don’t think I’ll ever give it up. I’ll be seventy and I’ll break my back trying to prune my roses.”

Gavin tossed his head back in a laugh. “I can _so_ picture that happening. I’d probably be filming it.”

“How sweet of you.”

“Thanks, I do try.”

 

* * *

Saturday dawned clear and bright, and Ray was stuck at home with nothing to do. Gavin was in LA, Ryan had to tend to a family emergency in Georgia, and he didn’t really have any other friends. He’d finished off with Geoff’s garden and his own. He could spend yet another day playing Halo or Pokemon, but the air was crisp and the forecast promised sunshine later on, so he forced himself to throw on a puffy jacket and drive downtown alone with nothing planned.

His phone buzzed in his pocket as he pulled over at the grocery store. He was expecting a text from Gavin, but the number was unfamiliar to him.

**[11:02:56 AM] Unknown Number:** Yo, is this Ray?

**[11:03:24 AM] Ray:** Yeah? Who is this?

**[11:03:59 AM] Unknown Number:** Michael Jones. Gavin’s friend, your local barista/engineer, Halloween party thrower extraordinaire...

**[11:04:35 AM] Ray:** Oh, right. Sup, Michael?

He quickly saved Michael’s number in his contacts, still confused. Michael had never actually talked to him apart from the odd hello when Ray went to Java Pit for a coffee before work. _What does he want?_  

**[11:05:01 AM] Michael:** So I was wondering if you ever wanted to chill with me? You seem pretty fuckin rad and today’s my day off.

**[11:06:23 AM] Ray:** Uh, sure? I’m free pretty much the entire week. 

**[11:07:11 AM] Michael:** Sweeeet. You like video games, right?

**[11:07:42 AM] Ray:** Fuck yeah, dude! 

**[11:08:13 AM] Michael:** Wanna play the new Super Smash Bros at my place?

**[11:08:55 AM] Ray:** HOLY SHIT DO I EVER

**[11:09:34 AM] Ray:** How did you even get it? It isn’t even out in GameStop yet!!

**[11:10:01 AM] Michael:** Kudos to my cousin, man. He has mad crazy connections.

**[11:10:47 AM] Ray:** Fuck, I need to come over. What’s your address again?

_So much for a day without video games._

 

* * *

It was around three in the afternoon that they finally put down the controllers, worn out and breathless. It was a close game, Ray only just beating Michael in most rounds, ending in the most vicious final battle they’d ever played. 

“Damn, dude,” Michael said, heading to the kitchen and opening the fridge. “You’re fucking good at that shit.”

Ray shrugged. “I guess.” 

He’d had a lot of practice when he was younger, stuck at home with nothing to do but play countless games of Call Of Duty, so it wasn’t like he was terrible at gaming. He’d never considered himself an expert, though.

“You want a beer?” Michael offered, gesturing to the brown-tinted bottles in the fridge.

“Nah, don’t drink. Sorry.”

Michael shot him a questioning look, but didn’t prod any further. He filled a couple glasses of water from the tap instead and passed one to Ray.

“So..” he started, running his hands through his curls. “How’re things going with Gavin?”

“Uh, things are fine. Why’d you ask?” Ray inquired warily.  
“No reason. But, God, doesn’t he annoy the hell out of you? How do you live with him?”

“What do you mean? He’s endless entertainment,” Ray countered.  
Michael snorted. “I know I’m his best friend and all, but he’s like a huge gangly five-year-old. Kid probably wouldn’t be able to tie his shoelaces without a YouTube tutorial.”

Ray chuckled. “True.”

“Right, though?”

“I don’t know, man,” sighed Ray, taking a sip of water. “We’re just compatible, I guess. Well, it’s like, we’re BFF’s most of the time, and we just chill and go out for coffee and stuff, but sometimes we smush our faces together and call it love.”

“Thats... strangely adorable.”

“Hey, I’m the fucking king of romantic speeches. Fight me.”

“You know I’m telling Gavin all about this, right?”

“Fuck off.”

 

* * *

And all of a sudden it was Thursday night and there were only two days until Gavin came back. They’d Skyped a couple more times and their near-constant conversation over text probably made their phone bills shoot through the roof. 

Ray had taken to staying at Gavin’s house every couple of days, finally mowing the lawn or cleaning up the war-zone of what Gavin called a kitchen. Maybe he was pining. Maybe it was the fact that Gavin’s couch was way more comfortable. Either way, it made him feel a whole lot better.

He was lounging on the sofa, marathoning The Walking Dead on Netflix, when it happened. 

A phone started to ring faintly, playing some old Britney Spears song. The noise was muffled, as if it was buried underground somewhere.

It definitely wasn’t Ray’s phone- his ringtone was one of the default jingles, and it couldn’t be Gavin’s mobile. He was certain neither of them had a landline, either. 

He paused the episode and got up, heading to where the sound was coming from. He followed it into Gavin’s bedroom, which was mostly unfamiliar to him as he’d probably spent a total of 3 seconds in it the entire time they’d been dating. 

The stupid song was coming from inside one of the drawers under the wooden closet unceremoniously shoved into the corner of the room. He pulled them open bottom to top, thumbing through piles of ratty t-shirts, old jeans and a shit ton of cargo shorts, nothing looking remotely like a phone. By the time he got to the top drawer, the blasted thing had stopped ringing.

He blushed as he realized it was Gavin’s underwear drawer, of all things. He pushed back the boxers to find a brick-like flip phone from years and years ago tucked in the back among mismatched pairs of socks, still buzzing faintly. _How the fuck does this thing still work? Ain’t it from, like, the Dark Ages or something?_

He flipped it open, reading the flashing letters on the screen.

**1 Missed Call from _Dan_**

**1 Unopened Voicemail from _Dan_**

_Well, shit._  

Dan.. Dan _Gruchy_. Dan, the other Slow Mo Guy. Dan, Gavin’s ex-best friend. Dan, the broken soldier.

He could play the message, finally know what was up with the guy, sate his unbearable curiosity, and risk an awkward conversation with Gavin about privacy. Or, he could put the phone back and never see it again, or hear the message, or _know_.

“I am so fucked up,” Ray muttered to himself as his fingers moved to the buttons without thinking. “This is so fucked up.” But he was scared and horribly curious and the whole story of Dan had always intrigued him and- 

He pressed play. 

The recording was grainy, but the voice was so unlike what Ray expected. It wasn’t angry, or upset- it was _empty_. Hollow. The accent was British, but not in the silky way Gavin’s speech was- it was gruff, calculated, sharp. And full of spite.   

 

_“Gav? Gavin... Fuck, I don’t really know why I’m even talking to you, I don’t- It’s two in the morning and I’m drunk off my arse- I guess this is a warning, if anything. You can’t keep this up. You and that Ray kid- when are you gonna tell him, huh? About us? About what happened to us? How you broke it off because you were too cowardly to risk the fans? That’s why I joined the fucking army, to get away from your obsession with your reputation and the stupid subscriber count and your puppy-dog eyes. You and Ray might be alright for now, playing it up for the screen. But I know you, and I know that one day you’re just going to go too far and snap. This isn’t a game. You can’t play at love anymore, not like... not like we did. I hope you’ve changed, I really do, but you’ve never taken shit like this seriously, and you’ve never handled love well. You moved too fast, fell too hard, and now you’re stuck in this mess. Heard you’ve lost fifty thousand subscribers since that video. I know you’re not going to want to deal with the consequences. And you’ll move on, just like you always do, new country, new personality, losing everyone you know. And I don’t want-”_

 

The message cut off there as time ran out, and Ray’s hands just couldn’t stop shaking, and he dropped the phone onto the carpet, staring blankly at the wall. Through his shock he registered the robotic voicemail woman repeating recorded instructions, a calm voice in the storm of anxiety and confusion and _what-the-hell-just-happened_ - _oh-my-god._

_ “If you would like to listen again, please press one. If you would like to go back to your inbox, please press two. If you would like to delete this message, please press three...” _


	8. Peony

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ouch. This one was tough. Internal conflicts! Worry! Sad confessions! Yay!  
> In all seriousness, I hope you like it. I wrote a lot of this at 2am last night, so hopefully it makes sense. Feedback and crit is appreciated! Happy reading! <3  
> -E

**_Gavin_ **

Austin stretched out under him, a sea of flickering lights in the dark, every building a pinprick of bright yellow, converging in a tangled web of streets and skyscrapers.  Gavin tapped the armrest of his window seat impatiently as they descended through the clouds, the plane tilting at an angle that seemed ridiculously unsafe. 

Ray had been strangely quiet the past couple of days, for whatever reason, and it was really odd. He’d declined a Skype call the day before, and he’d only texted once after that, to tell Gavin he’d be picking him up at the airport when he landed. 

He was worried, quite frankly. Ray had told him about his anxiety problems in the past and Gavin wanted to be there to help him if he was struggling in any way. _God, I really am an idiot. He’s probably super worked up and Ryan’s not even there for him and I should never have left Austin in the first place, what if he's having an attack-_

He was so caught up in his thoughts he barely registered when the pilot started talking over the intercom about their landing. Then something poked him in the side.

“Wha-” Gavin turned to see the young woman that sat next to him looking at him inquisitively. Her dyed bubblegum-pink hair was shockingly bright in the artificial fluorescent light, but she had a kind smile and soft eyes under huge glasses.

“You alright, there, dude? You look sort of stressed,” she commented.

“Yeah, I’m good, sorry,” he said, worrying his lip between his teeth. “Just- y’know. I just want to be back already.”

“Back? In Austin?” the woman asked. “Or in England? ‘Cuz I assume you’re from England, judging by the accent.”

“Austin, moved here a few years ago. I guess I’m worried about the people I left. Probably shouldn’t have gone away. Horrible timing.”

The woman laughed. “I get that. I went to L.A. to audition for some shitty part in some shitty show, and I didn’t get it, and I left my girl alone for a week or so for no reason.”

Gavin widened his eyes, a grin tugging at the corners of his lips. “Girl?”

She narrowed her eyes. “Got a problem with that?”

“Problem? Why would I- I have a boyfriend!”

“Oh. So we’re in the same boat, then,” she laughed. “Name’s Meg, by the way. Meg Turney.”

“Gavin. Lovely to meet you.”

* * *

 The two talked about everything from queer rights to upcoming films until they landed with a rumble at Austin-Bergstrom, pulling to a stop after fifteen minutes of rolling around on the runway. Gavin was pretty sure their rather liberal discussions might have pissed off the redneck sitting behind them judging by his suspicious glares, but he stepped off the plane with a spring in his step, glad to finally be back _home_.

Two years ago, he would have called his tiny flat in Oxfordshire home. ‘Home’ was Dan’s shit-eating grin, and gray skies, the sound of rain hitting the windows and the whirring noises of the Phantom Flex. But now, home was their white picket fence and humid summer days and lying in Ray’s arms on his scratchy couch. Home was the smell of roses and honeysuckle, the taste of Red Bull and steaming vanilla lattes from Java Pit, it was Ray’s stubble brushing against his cheek.

He grabbed his suitcase from the carousel, still deep in thought, and waved goodbye to Meg, who was waiting for her luggage to come around. 

The airport wasn’t huge, definitely not as big as Heathrow or LAX, so he got to the arrival hall with surprising speed. It was around eight in the evening, so it wasn’t so crowded, and it was easy to pick out the guy leaning against a pillar in a faded purple hoodie, hands in his jean pockets.

“Ray!” Gavin called, already running. He turned, smiling weakly, as Gavin threw his arms around him in a crushing hug.

“ _Can’t... breathe.._ ” Ray gasped, squirming. Gavin quickly got off him, still _so freaking elated_ to be back.

“So..” he said.

“Huh?”

“How are you? Did Austin survive without me?”

“Uh, yeah. I guess.”

“You alright?”

Ray shifted, literally _shifted_ in front of his eyes when he asked. His face fell, his eyes looked down at the shining tiled floor, his smile shrank into a grimace.

“Yeah. I dunno. Just... I’m glad you’re back. Tired, is all.”

The car ride home was strangely silent. 

* * *

 Gavin actually woke up early for once. He rolled out of bed in an old shirt and his boxers, stumbling to the kitchen for his daily fix of crappy coffee. He’d have to stop by Java Pit later if he wanted something a bit more gourmet than the stuff from his horrible broken coffee machine. 

He was about to sit down with his laptop when he noticed something odd on the mantle. Putting his coffee down, Gavin moved to the tiny silver object to inspect further- then wished he hadn’t.

It was the old flip phone he’d had back in England. When he moved to Austin, he had no use for it, but for the fact that he was a creepy clingy bastard who couldn’t get over a breakup. The phone had been his lifeline for a while, a diary of Dan’s texts and timestamps and dumb emoticons, always waiting for a call that never came, messages never sent. Then he’d moved on and buried it, somewhere no one would bother looking, but always there just in case. 

_So what in God’s name is it doing out of my underwear drawer?_

His first thought was that he’d just left it on the mantle by accident, but he couldn’t even remember the last time he’d taken it out. Maybe he’d been bevved up or hungover or.. no, that couldn’t be it. 

His second thought was Ray.

_Shit_.

The only obvious explanation- Ray’d stumbled upon the phone and left it on the mantle. Maybe that was why he was so silent. Maybe he’d read the conversations. Maybe he’d seen the _pictures_.

His panicked thoughts were interrupted by a text alert from his current phone, the cheerful ding ridiculously out of place. He swiped it open, still half-asleep and scared out of his wits.

**[9:08:12 AM] X-Ray:** We need to talk. I’m sorry. Meet me at Java Pit?

And everything was going up in flames. 

Ray was _sorry_. They had to _talk_. It was all going to shit so quickly and they’d only been together three months and, awfully, the only thing Gavin could think of was of how his coffee was getting cold.

_He hates you,_ a part of his brain sneered. _He knows why you and Dan broke it off and now he’s going to leave you because he knows you’re a terrible excuse for a person._

Gavin stared at the message too long, paralyzed by shock and horror and the crushing feeling of what he knew was to come, before pulling on some jeans and a jacket and running like hell.

* * *

 Java Pit was bustling and loud, and definitely not the environment Gavin wanted to be in for this. He wanted a living room, or an empty field, or anywhere else that didn’t contain a hundred people yelling for _pumpkin-spice-lattes-with-whipped-cream-and-two-shots-of-vanilla-please_. He searched the tables, finally spotting Ray hunched over in a booth, mug of black coffee pushed to the side of the table.

Michael wasn’t anywhere to be seen, which Gavin was thankful for. The whole situation would be horribly awkward and complicated and hard to explain, especially to a nosy, loudmouthed best friend.

He waved weakly as he approached the booth, afraid to smile or talk. 

“Hey, Gavin,” Ray said, face scarily neutral, gesturing to the seat opposite him. Gavin slid onto it, heart pounding so loud he was scared Ray might hear it.

“Wh- what’s going on?” he asked hoarsely. “What is this about?”

“Um. Well. Uh,” stammered Ray, biting his lip in that adorable way he did. “I.. I have a confession to make.”

“ _What?_ ” 

“Yeah. Uh. This is hard to say. Well. I guess I’ll start at the beginning. I was in your house, just.. y’know, mowing the lawn and cleaning and... whatever. And, uh, a phone started ringing, and it wasn’t mine, and I was.. curious. And I found this old phone in, um, sorry, but it was in your underwear drawer. Yeah, I know. And I didn’t answer it in time, but- God, I’m sorry. I am literally the worst person alive, but the person on the other end left a message and I listened to it and _please don’t hate me-_ ” His voice had turned into a murmur, then a mumble, then a squeak. 

“How could I ever hate you?” Gavin was incredulous. “If anything, you should be the one hating me right now.”

Ray blinked. “I- just- let me finish? Uh, and the message was from Dan but I think you might’ve already guessed that, and _God_ it was just awful and I am so, _so_ sorry for invading your privacy and everything, I was just so curious..”

Gavin almost laughed, but bile rose in his throat when he thought about the message. “He talked about how we broke up, didn’t he?”

“..Yeah. In detail. He was a little drunk.”

“Oh.”

It was impossible to know the extent of what Ray had heard. Maybe all he knew was that Gavin had initiated it. Maybe he’d heard the entire story, in the kind of detail only alcohol can provide.

“And he told me that you left him because of the, um, fans, or something? I don’t really remember, he didn’t say much-”

“Ray?”

“Yeah?”

“I have a confession to make, too.”

He watched as Ray stirred his coffee and sucked in a deep breath, looking down at the countertop.

“I was an arse three years ago,” he started, voice already cracking. “A total, honest-to-God famewhore piece of shit. I was ashamed and terrified and one pinky-toe out of the closet and I fucked it up. I fucked it up so terribly that Dan joined the damn _army_ because I was scared of the fans, and what they would think. And I admit that. I admit I was an arsehole and I let them get to me, or at least the _fear_ of them got to me. That’s why I needed to make a video about you. That’s why I wanted to tell the world- because I already messed up once and I can’t, I _won’t_ let it happen again. And I can’t change what I did, what I was like, but I- Jesus, I’m so bloody _sorry_.”

He looked up for the first time, lump in his throat ever-growing. Ray... God, Ray looked _sick_. His eyes were huge and shining, and his mouth was half-open. Gavin had no idea if that was a good or bad thing. He ducked his head down again, terrified.

“Gav.. I-”

_He’s gonna do it,_ the little voice in his head said snidely. _He’s going to leave you._

“I didn’t know.” 

Gavin felt Ray’s fingers on his wrists, curling around them softly, thumbs tracing the lines of his palms. 

“Hey,” Ray murmured, lightly cupping his cheek with one of his hands and tipping his chin up. “Look at me. It’s going to be okay.”

_What?_ Gavin looked up into those big eyes, and his gaze rested on the peony-pink lips that were twitching into a tiny smile.

“I forgive you. It’s okay. You’re fine,” Ray told him, voice more sincere than Gavin had ever heard. He found it strange that Ray was the one comforting him when he was the one who fucked up. Ray was the one with anxiety problems, Gavin had always been good at tucking away emotions, so how did they end up like this, Gavin almost breaking down in a coffee shop and Ray picking up his pieces?

“Y-you’re not.. angry?”

“Angry? Why would I- Gav, I’m proud of you for telling me. It takes serious guts to talk about this kind of stuff.”

“But- You still _want_ me now that you know?”

The grip on his wrists tightened, but Ray was grinning now.

“You idiot. ‘Course I still want you. What, did you think I was just going to leave you or something? You past doesn’t define you. Your breakups _definitely_ don’t define you. The minute I heard you screaming like an asshole in your garden I was-”

Someone cleared their throat.

“Um, wow, I’m really sorry to bother you and stuff, but are you Gavin Free?”

It was a girl of about fourteen or fifteen, mousy-looking, with rectangular glasses and a mouth full of braces and apologetic smiles.  Gavin pulled his hands away, plastering on a cheeky grin. He didn’t often get stopped by fans, but why did it always have to be at the worst times possible? 

“Er, yeah, that’s me,” he confirmed, swallowing the lump in his throat as best he could. 

“Oh my God,” she said. “This is _insane_. I don’t, uh, want a picture or an autograph or anything, I just wanted to tell you- this sounds really dumb, but you’re kind of my idol.” She blushed, fiddling with her hair. “I’ve always wanted to be a filmmaker or a cinematographer, and your YouTube channel’s always been kind of an inspiration to me and stuff. And then you posted that video of, uh, you and him-” she gestured to Ray, flashing him a quick smile- “And it was kind of this huge shock- not in that way- because, well, I’m.. not straight, either, so it was a sort of validation, I guess? That sexuality doesn’t really matter, and that there are people like me, and reading the comments kind of sucked because YouTube comments always suck but there were a hell of a lot of positive ones too, and that was just so freaking cool and- I’m rambling, aren’t I?”

“A bit, yeah,” Gavin chuckled, heart soaring. “But, God, thank you so much, I’m- I’m touched.”

The girl beamed. “I guess I’ll leave you guys alone- sorry, again, if I, uh, _interrupted_ anything. But thank you, seriously.”

“No, no, thank _you_. You’ve made my day, you have.”

“Actually, wait, I’ve changed my mind. Can I have a quick picture?”

“Of bloody _course_.”


	9. Poppy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one’s so short, and I apologize for the wait. Had awful writer’s block. You can probably tell that I struggled with this a bit. Anyway, hope you enjoy. (Also, this fic is very nearly finished. We have 2 chapters left after this. The plot’s kicking off. I mean.... what plot?) <3  
> -E

**_Ray_ **

The months passed by too quickly in a blur of early frost and Christmas dinners and new year fireworks and freezing rain. 

Ray finalized his resignation with Geoff in January, and started out working the early shift at the Mad Florist’s on weekdays. Him and Gavin had quietly and effortlessly fallen into a routine; spending equal nights at either house, setting Friday as their weekly date night, filming for Gavin’s channel every other Sunday.

They were still just as irrevocably smitten with each other as they had been in September, and a good thing too, as Ray’s occasional appearances in Gavin’s videos had totally boosted Slow Mo Guy popularity- all it took was one Buzzfeed article about their kissing video and suddenly they’d hit a million subscribers. Over the months Ray had amassed a small army of Twitter followers that somehow put up with his endless gardening complaints- though he strongly suspected they only followed him for his dumb selfies with Gavin. 

And the weeks went by without incident. Gavin was still ditzy, Ray was growing less shy, Ryan was still probably a little insane and Michael kept struggling through the engineering program at UT. Flowers kept on growing, the sun rose and fell, and for a while, everything was coming up roses.

On the third of March, when the flowers had just begun to sprout again and the cold winds were being driven away by warm, humid breezes, Gavin got an email.

“Hey, Ray, look at this!” Gavin called from his desk in the study. Ray looked up from his laptop. _What’s he gotten into this time?_

“If it’s from a Nigerian prince asking for your bank details, just delete it- you’re smarter than that,” he sighed, getting up from the couch to stand over Gavin’s desk.

“No, it’s from a company,” Gavin said, grinning. “Thunderdome Incorporated, or somethin’. Says here they demolish buildings. They’ve seen the Slow Mo Guy stuff, and they’ve got this abandoned warehouse they want me to blow up- we just have to advertise one of their partner companies’ products for, like, two seconds.”

“What?” Ray scanned through the email. 

_Dear Mr. Free... Promotional content, blah blah... Explosives... Demolition..._

“But how bloody cool would that look?” Gavin’s expression was that of pure, childish glee. “Blowing up a building, _a whole building_ \- what a laugh!”

“I mean...” Ray was stumped. “Is it safe?”

Gavin smirked. “You really think they’d set up an entire building, rig it with explosives and hand me the trigger, and leave out safety precautions? Nobody would be that stupid.”

“Why do they trust you with an exploding building, anyway? You’re clumsy as fuck.”

“I’ll probably not do anything, anyway, I’ll just film it. And I operate a priceless camera on a daily basis- I’m not _that_ clumsy!”

“Says the guy who literally tripped over a single piece of gravel just last week.”

“That was _one time!_ ”

* * *

 So that’s how they ended up in the middle of bum-fuck nowhere, Texas, outside an old warehouse on a sunny morning in mid-March. They set down cases of microphones, wires and cameras on field of grass that lay in front of the building.

Michael whistled a low note. He’d driven them in his beat-up pickup truck when they realized there was no way they were fitting all the equipment in Ray’s Chevy. He’d wanted to come anyway, curious about the engineering aspects of the actual demolition (and hoping to take pictures to show off to his professor).

“Yeah, yeah, we’re here,” Gavin said into his phone, running his fingers through his hair as they approached the warehouse. He’d been talking to the people over at Thunderdome Inc. for the majority of the hour-long car journey, grilling them about safety precautions. They were told that there would be a guy helping them out with the actual demolition- the wiring and explosives had been set up the previous day, and all that was left was for Gavin to press the button and record it. 

A muscly guy in a tight white tank top and a glaringly orange hard hat jogged over to them from inside the warehouse, grinning charmingly. He was carrying some stuff from inside, presumably safety gear judging by the garish neon shades of yellow and orange. A couple of fire extinguishers balanced precariously atop the pile of garments.

“Hey, you must be Gavin,” he said to the Brit, who was still trying to untangle a particularly knotted wire. Gavin looked up, nodding.

“That’s me.”

“I’m Blaine,” the man explained, setting down his stuff on the grass. “Demolition crew of one, at your service.”

As he handed out hard hats and yellow vests, Blaine briefed them on what was going to happen. 

“There’s rigging set up to a detonator inside the building, hooked up to this button.” He waved a tiny square box with- you guessed it, a big red button smack in the middle of it. _Straight from the movies._ “That’ll trigger an explosion inside- fiery, not the most _effective_ for most demolitions, but we figured it would look best on camera. So, I think we worked out that Gavin was gonna stand just in front of the warehouse, right? So he’s going to press the button I hand him _when I tell him to_ \- not before, okay? You two-” he gestured to Ray and Michael- “You’re going to be standing behind the safety glass when I get it from inside, with the cameras, I presume. You’re safe behind the glass, by the way, but you’ve still got to wear the helmets just in case any rubble gets over it somehow. The building will blow, and I’ll be ready with a fire extinguisher behind the glass if anything catches.”

“Gotcha,” Ray confirmed, tugging the tight vest over his head while Gavin donned his lab coat.

Michael was gazing at Blaine with wide eyes, typing frantically on his phone. Ray guessed he was taking down what Blaine had just said, for his engineering course or whatever. _I guess the nerd really did want to find out about the schematics._

Gavin frowned. “Hey, d’ya think, for the actual explosion, I could, er, set it off from closer? And then have the shot of me running away in the back? Because, I think from the angle we’re setting up-”

“Sure, go nuts,” Blaine said, shrugging. “Not too close, though. Best stay at least ten feet from it.”

_Ten feet?_ Ray thought. _This guy is insane._

“Uh, Gav,” he said quietly. “I don’t think this is really..”

“Safe?” Gavin laughed. “Don’t _worry_ about it, X-Ray. I’ve got a hard hat on, you have fire extinguishers, and Blaine’s a professional.”

“Actually, this is kind of my first solo job.”

“Ignore that last part.” Gavin slung his arm over Ray’s shoulders. “Come on, it’ll be fun! A building, Ray, we’re blowing up a _building_!”

Ray chuckled nervously. _Everything’s gonna be fine,_ he told himself. He wanted desperately to believe it.

* * *

 After around twenty minutes of setting up the glass and the cameras, everything angled perfectly, Gavin finally stood up from his work. 

Ray wiped sweat from his brow, sweltering in the midday sun that beat down on his back. Michael was fanning himself, no doubt burning up under the heavy vest. Only Blaine seemed to relish in the violently hot weather, running around the warehouse for a million different final checks on the wiring while his shirt got soaked with sweat (and Ray _certainly_ wasn’t admiring his ridiculously bulging muscles through the nearly see-through white material or anything like that).

“Alright,” Gavin said cheerfully, stretching his arms out. “Let’s film this bitch. Get the hand camera ready for the introduction.”

Michael ran over to the tripod, carting it past the safety glass to the front of the field where Gavin stood. Ray fixed himself a seat just behind the glass, watching through the thick screen. He gave Gavin a thumbs up on the microphone, which was flashing green. Gavin motioned to Michael to start the filming. 

“Hello there, internet. Today I’ve been invited to this abandoned warehouse by the good people over at Thunderdome to film a monstrous demolition. For some reason, they thought it would be a brilliant idea to give me the button that blows the whole thing up.” Gavin pulled the little box out of his pocket, showing off the ridiculous button. Blaine laughed offscreen.

“Anyway, we’re filming at two thousand five hundred frames per second, perfect to capture such a rapid explosion. We have Ray and Michael on camera while I blow the thing up. Now, I hope this actually works...”

Ray swallowed. _Yeah, me too._

“Alright, we’ll cut there,” said Gavin, with a slight tremor in his voice. “Now comes the actual thing.” He ran over to the Phantom, practically pushing Ray away from it.

“You remember how to work it, yeah?” he asked dubiously, fiddling with knobs and dials.

“Yeah,” Ray said, rolling his eyes. “Not like you explained like half a million fucking times. I’ll press the button at the right time, don’t worry. I’m not gonna break it by touching it, Vav.”

“Everything’s already in focus, literally all you have to do is press _that_ button when I press _this_ button. I’ll merge the slow-mo with Michael’s cam footage.”

Ray felt Gavin’s hand clapping his shoulder, but he was almost shaking in nervousness. Petal-soft fingers traced his jawline, tipping his chin up. Ray stared into Gavin’s eyes, squinted and soft. Gavin pressed a quick kiss to his lips, then he was gone, white coat flapping comically as he loped into frame.

“Stay safe!” Ray called, and Gavin laughed. 

Ray’s hand hovered above the phantom’s ‘record’ button, and he took a few deep breaths. 

Blaine shouted from behind the glass. “Alright. Three, two, one, _zero_!”

Ray remembered pressing the button just in time to watch the world go white, then curl into blistering waves of flame in orange and yellow, red at the edges. He remembered wood and concrete flying in every direction, gravel hitting the safety glass, and dust rising from where the debris fell, and the resounding, terrible _boom_ that rocked the entire field and echoed in his ears. He remembered seeing Gavin leaping away, stupid lab coat streaming out behind him, arms covering his head. He remembered stopping the recording, mouth still half open from awe.

He never saw _it_ happen, though. 

When he played back the recording some time later, he would see a piece of debris falling from the sky and landing, hard, on Gavin’s unprotected neck. He would see him crumpling to the ground, not jumping. He would see a poppy-red stain spreading across the coat.

But he _didn’t_ see it, at least not then. And Gavin didn’t move. 

He lay spreadeagled across the burning grass. At first, Ray thought he was just kidding around, playing a joke like he always did, but _oh God what’s he doing what happened oh God oh fuck oh fuck-_

He was on his feet and running before he could even blink, tripping over debris and crushing smoldering grass under his Vans, collapsing next to his unmoving boyfriend. His blood roared in his ears, heart pumping so loud he could barely hear the shouts of confusion and thundering footsteps of Michael and Blaine, and all he could think was _I told you so, didn’t I, I told you this was too dangerous and look where we are, you fuck, look what happened._

Everything was numb and silent and Michael’s hand on his shoulder felt feather-light. His sight was still spotted and blurred from the explosion or maybe tears, but everything was just so _red_. He dimly registered Michael pulling out his phone and dialing 911, talking frantically to the operator. Blaine was at Gavin’s side, checking him over with a completely black face.

Ray grabbed Gavin’s hand without thinking, fingers running over the wrist. It was still warm and pulsing gently, erratically. He concentrated on it, timing his breaths to his pulse, the one tiny island of hope in a sea of terror and shock.

He didn’t remember much after that, just flashes and feelings. The wailing of an ambulance. Paramedics questioning him, Michael answering. A canvas stretcher. _Keep holding his hand._ The cold metal seat inside the ambulance, hot tears somehow streaming from his eyes. Beeping machines and ragged breaths, more questions from the paramedics, monosyllabic answers. _Keep holding his hand._

The doctors ripped Gavin from him when they got to the ER, wheeling him through white hallways, and Ray was left shaking in the waiting room, hands covered in blood.


	10. Astilbe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this one’s a little different. It’s told in five different POVs, five different people in a hospital waiting room, in five different styles. Some are short, some are ridiculously long. The parts also subtly follow the five stages of grief if you can catch it. It took me a billion years because it’s long as fuck and hella sad, but I finally updated! [Side note: the last section, Ray’s, was heavily inspired by 'Words To The Open Air' by JessiMeow. You should definitely read it, it’s amazing and sad and stuff.]  
> Also, to those who yelled at me for making them sad with the latest chapter, sorry (and you’re welcome?). Happy reading! <3  
> -E

**_Tina- Denial- 2:25pm_ **

 The worst part about the waiting room was the lights. 

They were constantly flickering in an erratic way that drove Tina off the wall, and they were an off-white, yellow tinged color that gave the whole room a sickly, decrepit feeling which definitely wasn’t something the waiting room of a hospital needed.

Maybe the second worst part was the guy in the corner. Not in a rude way- he was docile enough, and he looked rather nice, albeit somewhat shy. But she couldn’t bear to look at him. He just seemed so _sad_ , with big brown eyes and a lost look on his face like a kid left alone in a grocery store.

Around twenty minutes ago, paramedics had burst in through the doors, wheeling an unconscious man on a stretcher through the waiting room and into the Emergency Room. The other guy had stumbled in after them, breathing heavily. His hands had been rust red, the color of dried blood. Of course, at some point he’d gone to the bathroom to wash them off, but he would often just stare at them, eyes dark and sorrowful.

It was depressing. 

Tina was trying to stay as positive as possible, for Connor’s sake. Her friend had slipped in a puddle on their way to watch a movie- _idiot_ \- and twisted his ankle somehow, so she dragged him to the ER. He was getting it checked out right now, and she was waiting on the results. But sad-guy over in the corner was really messing up her good vibes. 

There were a few other people waiting around on the benches, flipping through magazines. One young man was coughing up a phlegmy storm every three seconds or so. A flustered mother was watching over the two kids playing with the crappy little toys. But Tina kept getting drawn to the sad guy in the corner.

He was texting now, rubbing at his eyes. Tina tore her eyes away from him, glancing at the People magazine she held loosely in her hand. It was some inane story about some stupid celebrity’s kids and- _Oh, fuck it._ She put down the magazine and started to stand up, readying herself to barge over and ask him what the hell was wrong.

Too bad the doctor got there first. A lithe woman in blue scrubs had entered the room, causing everyone there to look up in a tense emotional cocktail of terror and longing. She spoke quickly and quietly to the receptionist, who bit her lip and gestured to the man in the corner.

“Mr. Narvaez?” the doctor called, causing the man to jump in surprise and everyone else to sigh and go back to their magazines. Tina spotted a hungry look of anticipation on his face. He got up shakily and headed to the woman. She spoke to him in a hushed, worried tone- Tina only caught flashes and words here and there, and they weren’t pretty.

_“Mr. Free... severe head trauma... swell in brain tissue... possibly comatose... immediate surgery required..”_

The man- Narvaez- paled. He braced his arms against the receptionist’s desk and closed his eyes.

“That- no, that can’t be- He can’t be comatose yet- is he not just unconscious? And surgery, already? Can I at least see him?” he rambled, sounding terrified and exhausted at the same time. The doctor shook her head and squeezed his shoulder, muttering some words of encouragement and explanation, then disappeared through the swinging doors.

Okay, now Tina _definitely_ needed to talk to him. A couple minutes after he’d sat down, back to texting again, she grabbed her purse and sat down in the empty chair next to his.

“Hi,” she started, then cursed herself for being so bubbly. Someone he cared about was in a coma. _Come on, Dayton, be sensitive._ She tried again when she got no response. “Uh, hello.”

“Hi,” he murmured, looking up from his phone, seeming a little shell-shocked with his thousand-yard-stare and quiet intensity. 

“I’m Tina.”

“Ray.”

“Are you alright?” she asked simply, hoping to get him to open up. Ray swallowed and slipped his phone into his pocket. 

“I- uh.. no?”

“What happened?”

“It’s kind of hard to explain.” 

“We’re in a hospital waiting room. This place is made for long-winded explanations, right?”

“I guess you’re right. Um, okay.” Ray bit his lip before he spoke. “God, this is gonna sound fuckin’ weird. Uh, so my.. boyfriend, Gavin, he films stuff in slow motion for his job- he puts the clips up on YouTube. So we went to this abandoned warehouse to blow it up for a video, and-” Ray stopped, closing his eyes. “And.. he was wearing a hard hat, and everything, but there was this one piece of rubble, a bit of concrete from the wall, and it hit him just above the neck, and he went down so _quickly_. The- the doctors said they have to do surgery, something about brain swelling and head trauma, and I don’t really know but I don’t think I could, you know, live with myself if he...”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Tina blanked. What the hell was she supposed to say to that? Connor faded from her mind. Screw that, _everything_ faded from her mind.

“Oh, God, I’m so-”

“Sorry?” Ray finished, then shot her a grim look. “I have a feeling I’m gonna be getting that a lot in the next few days.”

There was a pregnant pause in the conversation. _God damn, dude. Way to be positive about it._

“So.. how long have you guys been dating for?” Tina asked awkwardly, trying to divert the conversation with small talk.

“Um.. about six months or so? Since the middle of September. God, that was so long ago. Funny, isn’t it, how people just.. become part of your life? And you don’t ever notice it but then suddenly they’re a part of _you_.”

“Are you a poet or something?” Tina laughed. 

“No? Was that poetic?”

“Yeah. It was kinda beautiful.”

“Gotta write that one down, then,” Ray joked. His smile dropped in a split second, though. 

The doors swung open again, causing everyone to look hastily up from their magazines again, and out limped Connor, crutches and all.

“Hey, Tina,” he said, waving. “You ready to go?”

“Connor! How’s the ankle?”

“Just twisted a bit. Nothing broken. Got some pain medication, a cast for a week or so, and I’m good to go. Who’s this?” He managed to gesture to Ray with his crutch.

“That’s Ray,” Tina explained. “He’s waiting for someone, too.”

“Yeah?” Connor grinned. “They break their ankle, too?”

“No,” Ray said, staring into space. “He’s- He.. He got a head injury,” he finally finished. 

“Oh.”

Tina groaned internally and half-dragged Connor out the doors, waving bye to Ray as they left.

“Good luck!” she called through the doors as they swung shut, passing a disgruntled young man as they walked to the car park, all fury and red curls under a beanie. _Wonder what his problem is. Then again, he is going into a hospital._

“Idiot,” Tina chastised as she helped Connor into the passenger seat. “His boyfriend’s in a coma.”

“What? Shit. I’m the worst person alive.”

“Damn right you are. Chipotle?”

“Chipotle.”

Thoughts of Ray left her mind pretty quick that day. 

 

* * *

 

**_Gus- Anger- 5:32pm_**  

That kid just wouldn’t shut the fuck up. 

He and his friend were huddled together in the corner, having a goddamn heated argument in the goddamn waiting room. Gus rubbed his temples. He’d only come here because his wife was freaking out over his stupid chest pains. They weren’t really that bad- he had no idea why she dropped him off at the fucking emergency room for it, anyway. The disproportionate wait was probably worse than going to his regular doctor- damn the American healthcare system- but _no_ , what if he had cancer? It was probably nothing. Now it seemed like his raging headache was the thing that would actually kill him. 

“Michael, this was all my fault!” yelled the guy in the corner, jerking Gus from his brooding thoughts. “I could have fucking stopped it, and now he’s probably in a fucking _coma_. So why the hell are you so calm, huh? What’s _wrong_ with you?”

Well, that was new. Gus hadn’t heard that part of the story. He’d overheard something about an explosion and someone named Gavin, but a coma? He instantly felt awful for the poor guy. 

“Ray,” Michael pressed, his voice oddly still and quiet for a guy whose friend had gone into a coma. “You need to calm down. He’s stable. What you need to worry about now is-”

“Don’t you tell me what to fucking worry about,” Ray hissed. “Don’t you dare. You don’t know what the hell this feels like, man. When I could have _stopped_ it.”

_Shit_. Gus held back a groan as yet another stabbing pain ripped through his chest. Now he was invested in their dumb conversation. _I really have to stop eavesdropping so much._

“Ray, please, you have to calm the hell down.” Michael said sincerely, dropping his voice to a low murmur that Gus could just about hear if he concentrated. “None of this was your fault. _I_ could have stopped it. Blaine could have stopped it. Hell, the paramedics could have stopped it. That all could have happened- but this, whatever is going on, is _happening_ , right now, so wake the fuck up. Arguing about what-ifs and maybes isn’t going to help Gavin.”

“Then what will?”

He sounded so broken and terrified that it made Gus shiver. And Gus never fucking shivered. 

“Ray... I don’t think we can do anything now.”

“What, so we just _wait_ for him to wake up? Huh? Who the fuck does that? They won’t even let me see him, Michael. My own goddamned boyfriend is going into surgery and the last time I saw him, three fucking _hours_ ago, he was covered in blood and almost dead. Alright? You wanna know what my problem is? You’re not angry about this. You’re not mad at me, you’re not mad at yourself, and you’re always mad. What happened to Rage Quit Jones? Why are you so okay?” 

That Ray kid was crying. Not _one-tear-rolling-down-my-face-look-at-me-be-emotional-but-still-manly_ crying, but _red-in-the-face-blubbering-soggy-mess_ crying. And Gus thought he had every right to do so.

Michael cast his eyes down. “I don’t know why I’m not mad. I have no fuckin’ clue, man. All I know is that nothing’s okay right now. Come on, let’s go get some fresh air, huh? Might clear your head a little.” He put his arm around Ray’s shoulders and they walked slowly out, leaning into each other.

Gus watched them stumble out of the waiting room, thinking a little too hard about it.

“Mr. Sorola?” the receptionist called out. _Oh, yeah. I’m in the ER. Right._

He left his seat, still far too lost in thought. While the nurse guided him to a room, he passed the trauma care unit, which was filled with doctors running around in blue scrubs and masks, all centered around one bed. The guy in the bed was lanky and thin as bone, bandages wrapped like a straitjacket around his head. He was hooked up to an IV and a heart monitor, which beeped ominously every few seconds. 

Gus was really glad he wasn’t Ray right now.

 

* * *

 

**_Kara- Bargaining- 7:09pm_**  

“So, Mr. Narvaez..”

“Ray.”

“Ray. I’m Kara, the trauma social worker in this hospital.”

“Social worker? Why would I need a social worker?”

“I’m more of a psychologist. I assist the family or... friends of the patients, to help them with decision making and dealing with the repercussions of the incident. I provide them with education on the state of the patient and counsel them on whatever they need- finances, emotional support, and information on the injuries and how they might affect the brain. I’m here whenever you need me over the course of the next few days or the next few weeks, even.”

“You know how Gavin is?”

“Yes.”

“No one here will tell me anything. What’s going on?”

“You mean, in terms of his physical state?”

“Yeah. I know he’s still unconscious. What’s happening to him?”

“He suffered a severe traumatic brain injury- a TBI. They put him through a CT scan, then an MRI. One of the blood vessels in his brain was ruptured, so they had to repair it. They also had to remove a lot of damaged tissue and some skull fractures that had broken off. Currently, I think they’re replacing some of his skull with metal plating. And, yes, he is still unconscious. He’s been classified as comatose, but they don’t know how long it’ll be until he wakes up.”

“ _Comatose._ ”

“Yes, that's what they determined now that he's been unresponsive for so long. Um... this will be hard for you to hear.”

“Just tell me.”

“If he doesn’t wake up in the next few days, he might not ever.”

“Fuck, really?”

“If he stays in a comatose state for more than two months, you and Gavin’s family have the option to let him-”

“No. _Don’t_. It’s been a few hours. Don’t you dare talk about that yet.”

“Sorry. It’s standard procedure, but I won’t discuss it yet if you don’t want to.”

“God, I’m fucking scared now. When do you think I can see him, though?”

“They expect to be done with surgical procedures in about an hour, they still have to finish draining fluids from his brain, but they might not let you see him until he’s stabilized. You’re lucky, you know.”

“Huh?”

“You were lucky he got to this hospital. It has a trauma care unit, which is pretty rare. And our trauma surgeon is one of the best in the South. Gavin has a very high chance of survival, and... may even recover without major damage to motor skills.”

“And?”

“And.. what?”

“You paused, like you were gonna say something. What else could happen to Gavin?”

“Ah. Well. That’s a different story. Comas... are difficult. Because they are so heavily involved with the brain, often parts of the brain are damaged or even have to be removed. This can cause many different effects on the patient. A popular one in movies and shows is amnesia- and yeah, it can happen. He may not be able to remember the day of the incident, or maybe he won’t remember anything. The injury could also keep him from talking, moving or eating.”

“ _What?_ ”

“Some people come out of comas with no lasting physical or mental effects. It’s very likely that the most Gavin will need to fully recover is therapy, nursing and some physical rehabilitation.”

“But.. he might not remember me?”

“Amnesia isn’t as common as you’d think, but yes, that could happen. Is that what you’re most afraid of?”

“I guess it could be so much worse than amnesia. And I guess it’s pretty selfish of me to be afraid of that, of all things. You said he might not be able to move?”

“If the part of the brain that controls motor skills is damaged, then yes, it is a possibility. You will have to consider your options if he develops mental problems such as immobility, cognitive problems or seizures.”

“Shit. Um. Right. That could happen?”

“It could. It might not, but it could.”

“I- Uh. Can I tell you something? I mean, it’s stupid and sort of fucked up and-”

“I’m a social worker for the families of trauma patients. I’ve heard everything. Shoot.”

“I just.. I’ve been thinking about it for hours, and the one thing that keeps bugging me is that I would do anything for this never to have happened. I’d gladly swap with him, you know? Just to make sure he’s alright. I would give _anything_ for him to be alright. I- I think I’d die for him, y’know?”

“I know.”

“I mean, if God or whatever does really exist, I can’t think of a single reason why he’d make Gavin go through this instead of me. Maybe that’s fucked up, but I really don’t know why. Gav- he’s just this warm ball of energy, always bouncing around, making people smile, making people happy. I’m just a gardener, and a shitty one at that. I’m just Ray. I’ve got no worldly impact or whatever. And I would much rather die than see him die- fuck, I... I’m sorry-”

“Ray, hey. It’s perfectly natural to think about these things. Yeah, it’s horrible, but it’s human. Everybody has these thoughts. But the most beneficial thing you can do right now isn’t to think about what could have happened. It’s to plan ahead for what will.”

 

* * *

 

**_Michael- Depression- 10:11pm_**  

“Michael, what if he doesn’t come back?”

_Fuck._

Ray’s voice was little more than a whimper and it was _terrifying_. Michael was actually terrified and something in his chest cracked open. For the first time, he didn’t know what to say. It was too late for this shit and he didn’t know what to say.

So Gavin was still unconscious. The surgery had finished and it had gone perfectly and he was still unconscious. It had been eight hours since he’d been admitted and nothing was happening and it made Michael want to tear his fucking hair out.

But he had to stay calm for Ray. At first, he’d been strangely peaceful- which freaked him out. He was Michael ‘Rage Quit’ Jones, he yelled and screamed and shouted at video games or stupid people or Gavin like it was nothing, like it was normal. But when shit started to get really scary? He was _fine_. He was kind of scared of how emotionless he’d been throughout the whole ordeal.

Now all his feelings were starting to catch up with him all at once and they were snowballing, gathering, and Michael was trying his damn hardest not to explode. For Ray’s sake. He needed to stay calm.

“Ray.” It was part warning and part cry for help, _please don’t keep talking about this, please stop talking about possibilities, please don’t-_

“He might not ever come back from that room, Michael.” Ray put his head in his hands. _Fuck._ “What am I gonna do with myself?”

“You can’t think like that,” Michael said weakly, trying to convince himself just as much as Ray. “Not yet. It hasn’t even been a day.” 

“It hasn’t?” Ray leant back in his seat. “It feels like I’ve been here forever.”

“No kidding.”

Michael opened his email and started to draft an apology to his Engineering professor for missing the lecture. He’d have to catch up, look at the footnotes on the presentation...

_Life goes on._

The words just popped into his head, and lost themselves in a tangent. Right now, Lindsay was probably getting into bed. His classmates were all studying, writing essays, maybe getting drunk off the elation of being young adults in a free world. Someone was probably having their first kiss. Someone might be having their last one. Everything was still happening around them. The hospital waiting room wasn’t the universe. 

Somehow that made Michael feel a whole lot smaller.

But it helped. Just a little, at least. Put things in perspective. They’d only been there eight hours. That was nothing. Gavin would be _fine_.

“Michael?” Ray murmured, resting his head on his shoulder. Michael leaned into him, grateful for the warmth in the freezing AC.

“Yeah?”

“I wish it’d been me.”

 

* * *

 

**_Ray- Acceptance- 11:45pm_**  

_15 March_  

**[11:45:09 PM] Ray:** You awake?

**[11:46:57 PM] Rye-Bread:** Yeah. How’s he doing?

**[11:48:22 PM] Ray:** Same as before. I just need to talk to someone I guess. 

**[11:48:59 PM] Ray:** Michael went home. He’s drained. 

**[11:50:12 PM] Rye-Bread:** You should get some rest, Ray. I’m worried sick about you.

**[11:51:22 PM] Ray:** I can’t. I really can’t.

**[11:51:58 PM] Ray:** If he wakes up and I’m not here...

**[11:52:37 PM] Rye-Bread:** So you’re just going to stay in the waiting room? 

**[11:53:11 PM] Ray:** Yeah, as long as it takes. I’m not even tired. I mean, I’m tired, but, you know.

**[11:54:49 PM] Rye-Bread:** Promise me you’ll go home at least once in the next couple of days, then. Just to sleep. You have to.

**[11:55:33 PM] Rye-Bread:** If you don’t, I’ll come over there and literally drag you to my house and force you to sleep. Possibly with chloroform.

**[11:56:27 PM] Ray:** Ha. We’ll see.

**[11:57:55 PM] Rye-Bread:** But asides from that, how are you feeling?

**[11:59:49 PM] Ray:** Surprisingly? A lot better than before. I met with this social worker and we talked about feelings and shit.

**[12:00:38 AM] Rye-Bread:** That sounds great. Therapy is always helpful.

**[12:01:22 AM] Ray:** You’ve been to therapy??

**[12:02:00 AM] Rye-Bread:** I’ve been through some stuff. Maybe I’ll tell you about it one day.

**[12:02:36 AM] Ray:** That’d be nice. 

**[12:04:01 AM] Rye-Bread:** I’ll stop in at the hospital tomorrow morning to check on you guys. And I’m giving you as much time off as you need.

**[12:04:48 AM] Ray:** I totally forgot about work, actually. 

**[12:06:30 AM] Rye-Bread:** It’s fine. You’re under a lot of stress. Don’t worry about it, the Mad Florist’s can survive without you.

**[12:07:33 AM] Rye-Bread:** I’m actually gonna go to sleep now. Good night!

**[12:08:00 AM] Ray:** Night, Rye. Thanks. 

 

* * *

 

_16 March_

**[1:33:21 AM] X-Ray:** I almost fell asleep in my chair waiting for you. I hate myself for it but I think Ryan’s right. I really do need to get sleep. I won’t, though.

**[1:35:40 AM] X-Ray:** I’m not sure why I’m texting you, your phone’s with the rest of your stuff somewhere in this stupid hospital

**[1:38:14 AM] X-Ray:** I guess I just want to think we’re somehow talking. It’s stupid and dumb but i just want you to answer with your dumb emojis and your awful grammar and your all-lowercase letters

**[1:39:02 AM] X-Ray:** i miss you, vav.

**[1:44:45 AM] X-Ray:** please wake up soon

**[2:37:19 AM] X-Ray:** I fell asleep so I’m running to 7-11 to grab a red bull or something. Don’t wake up while I’m gone.  <3

**[2:37:58 AM] X-Ray:** just kidding. please do

**[3:01:24 AM] X-Ray:** The receptionist keeps looking at me all sad. I wish she would fucking stop that. You’re gonna be fine, I know you are.

**[3:55:00 AM] X-Ray:** I’ve officially read through every single magazine in this place. Phone’s running out of battery too. Fuck. Maybe they have a charger here?

**[4:25:58 AM] X-Ray:** 1% battery. Have to wait until morning when Michael comes back with a charger. Love you.  <3

**[9:01:43 AM] X-Ray:** Michael and Ryan are both here now. They’re worried sick about you. Ryan’s in some discussion with the doctors, I think. They still won’t let me see you.

**[10:08:35 AM] X-Ray:** I finally called your parents. They’re flying over as soon as they can. Everyone’s terrified. Your mom wouldn’t stop crying. I’m past crying, though, for some reason. 

**[10:23:14 AM] X-Ray:** apparently I’m not actually past crying so ryan’s dragging me home now i’m sorry

**[3:39:38 PM] X-Ray:** I slept for way too long but you still aren’t awake. I think today I won’t stay the night. I don’t think the hospital will let me. They’re really nice about the whole thing, but I can tell they’re kind of pissed I’m taking up so much of their time. I just can’t let you go, can I?

**[5:06:29 PM] X-Ray:** They finally let me see you, Gav. Ryan convinced them somehow. You’re kind of a mess, but at least you’re stable. Still unresponsive. There’s metal in your skull from where it broke- you look like an android. Think you’ll laugh about it when you wake up. I mean, I had to see your head split open and stuff. But at least you’re okay.

**[6:20:33 PM] X-Ray:** Rye brought us some chinese food. He’s like a freaking saint. I also had to tweet about this whole thing just to let the fans know. They’re all really worried. I could barely look through the replies. 

**[6:25:11 PM] X-Ray:** I’m watching some of your old videos to pass the time. Dan would probably have dealt with this better than I am.

**[7:25:02 PM] X-Ray:** The hospital said they’d call if anything happened. I think I’m gonna go home. I don’t want to ever think like this but life is still going on and I have to get back to it. I’ll be back tomorrow for a bit. Love you.

**[9:30:09 PM] X-Ray:** Fuck, this bed feels empty. 

**[11:11:33 PM] X-Ray:** wish you were here. i’m cold. and it’s so quiet. usually you’d be running around squeaking and yelling and shit. i miss those dumb fucking noises.

**[11:27:00 PM] X-Ray:** night, vav  <3

 

* * *

_17 March_  

**[1:09:08 PM] X-Ray:** Came by for an hour or so to watch you. 

**[1:09:49 PM] X-Ray:** Well, that just sounds creepy. I mean, I just sat in the chair next to your bed and watched you breathe for a while. 

**[1:11:27 PM] X-Ray:** Nope, that’s still fucking creepy. Anyway, it calmed me down, just to see you. Not really much reason to stay longer. Oh, and I called my mom this morning to talk about it. She was crying too. I wish everyone would stop crying so much.

**[1:13:08 PM] X-Ray:** I wish I would stop crying so much. 

**[2:00:15 PM] X-Ray:** I called Geoff. He was in tears, too, man. It was hard to listen to. You’re like a son to him. He feels awful about being in LA. He's gonna try to catch a flight back soon, but he doesn't know exactly when.

**[3:24:38 PM] X-Ray:** That Kara social worker lady had a meeting with me again today. We talked about money and stuff. God, this is stressful. Hospitals cost a shit-ton, you know that? We’ll be fine, though, I think. Maybe we should move in together. So I could take care of you more easily, you know? I mean, we practically live together already. 

**[3:26:12 PM] X-Ray:** I should know this isn’t a dialogue by now. 

**[4:45:01 PM] X-Ray:** Home now. I keep my car keys in my hand though. Just in case they call me. 

**[5:30:23 PM] X-Ray:** Ryan dropped off some seeds for the garden. Says planting them might be therapeutic or something. 

**[5:33:56 PM] X-Ray:** One of them’s called Astilbe. It’s this really nice purple-y pink sort of color and it has these feathery sort of blooms. I looked it up and apparently it means ‘i’ll still be waiting’. Nice one, Ryan.

**[5:35:28 PM] X-Ray:** I’ll wait for you forever. 

**[5:36:44 PM] X-Ray:** That was sappy. But I will. Promise.

**[6:21:01 PM] X-Ray:** Rye was right. Planting did help a bit. Some of my roses are starting to bloom as well. I picked some for you.

**[9:38:12 PM] X-Ray:** Goodnight. Love you.

 

* * *

 

_18 March_

**[6:09:11 AM] X-Ray:** THE HOSPITAL CALLED ME TO SAY YOU WERE SHOWING SIGNS OF CONSCIOUSNESS SO I’M ON MY WAY RIGHT NOW

**[6:11:56 AM] X-Ray:** the ONE TIME the car won’t fucking start

**[6:17:08 AM] X-Ray:** ok ok i’m on my fucking way just hold on for me gav

**[6:18:47 AM] X-Ray:** i’m just so happy you’re gonna be okay you’re gonna be okay you’re gonna be okay

  

**[6:30:01 AM] Ray:** MICHAEL. GET. YOUR. ASS. OVER. HERE. NOW. ASSHAT.

**[6:31:32 AM] Michael:** What?!

**[6:32:09 AM] Michael:** WHAT HAPPENED??

**[6:34:24 AM] Ray:** Gav’s showing signs of consciousness!!! Just some mumbling so far, some eye movement. But holy fuck he’s gonna be okay dude.

**[6:35:13 AM] Michael:** Gonna get there as soon as I fucking can. Hooooly shit. 

**[6:36:37 AM] Ray:** I can’t believe it, dude. I can’t believe it

** [6:37:10 AM] Ray:  ** :-)


	11. Red Rose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear to god I’ve rewritten this chapter like 3 times and I still don’t know if it can really sum this whole thing up properly, but I’m typing this literally a few hours before I have to go on a week-long school trip to Vietnam, so getting this last chapter up before then has been pretty stressful. Happy reading, dudes, hope you enjoy the finale of Flower Boy! :-)

**_Gavin_**

_“I left you in the morning, and in the morning glow, you walked a way beside me, to make me sad to go.”_

 The world was white and burning, blindingly bright and hot and terrible. The sharp tang of disinfectant and petrol left him with a bitter taste in his dry mouth and the smell of smoke filled his nose, but he wouldn’t cough.

He saw an echo being replayed in front of him, repeating over and over like a broken record player, stuck on the same song. White. Splintering wood. A splash of blood. Dizzy spell. Black. White. Splintering wood. A splash of blood. Dizzy spell. Black-

** _[911, what is your emergency?]_ **

White. A shock of pain shot down his neck and buzzed in his head. It was all exploding, the whole world shattering, his mind fizzling out in stripes of red, red lightning.

** _[Do you need assistance, sir? What is your address?]_ **

The world was imploding again, everything sucked into a black and inky darkness. He blinked back stinging tears and gasped, head still reeling from the hole being bored through it. His vision went dark again and stayed that way, and for a moment, all was still. 

_“Do you know me in the gloaming, gaunt and dusty grey with roaming?”_

  _Ray_. The name came to his tongue, out of the clinquant blue. The smell of crushed grass and honeysuckle. An image, flickering in the back of his eyes. A white picket fence. 

Memories rushed and receded like waves breaking on a pebbled shore, of multicolored latex suits and lilac sunsets, of late-night Skype calls and a Bonica rose. But no faces. 

** _[We’re losing him. The impact must have damaged the brain, and he’s lost so much blood... We have to operate, now! Get the damn neurosurgeon!]_ **

The words went through his ears and dissipated like smoke. He had to find this ‘Ray’, whoever he was. He was running out of time. He searched the memories, trying so desperately to find who he’d forgotten.

_“Are you dumb because you know me not, or dumb because you know?”_

But he couldn’t place his face. _Ray_. It was too dark now for anything but glimpses, impressions. The images were appearing faster now, rapidly flipping pages of moments. 

** _[No! Don’t let them see him yet. It’s too dangerous, they’re too emotional, they could end up interfering.]_ **

His head was still exploding, but less so now, cooling down like magma meeting ice. And all of a sudden, he could remember. Ray. _His_ Ray.

_“All for me? And not a question, for the faded flowers gay, that could take me from beside you for the ages of a day?”_

He remembered his smile, soft and sweet, peeking out from under dark stubble and pink lips. Then it was his eyes, framed by rectangular glasses, round and chocolate brown and full of timid life. Then his laugh, rich and quiet. Then his pout. Then his fingers, peeking out from under the sleeves of a faded purple hoodie.

** _[Alright, let them in. He’s stable, but still unresponsive.]_ **

_“They are yours, and be the measure, of their worth for you to treasure, the measure of the little while that I’ve been long away.”_

 It all went dark again, and the memories stopped flowing, but Gavin didn’t mind the darkness. He was going to be fine. 

He was going to be with Ray. 

 

* * *

 

“I don’t know if you can hear this, but hey, Gav. They said you’d wake up soon, so... here we are. Whenever you’re ready, asshole.”

The voice was scratchy, and cracked, but full of an emotion so overwhelming that Gavin’s heart beat a little faster. _Ray._

“..Gav?” The emotion was hope, he realized. He struggled to open his eyes, everything a dead weight on him. He managed to wobble his lips for a split second.

“Did you just hear me?” 

Gavin wobbled his lip again in answer. _Seriously, if I could talk, I would._

“Are you awake?”

Somehow, with excruciating effort, Gavin opened his eyes, blinked once, twice, three times, and still couldn’t make sense of his surroundings. The world glowed white and blue, too clean and yet not clean enough. There was a sudden rushing in his head, and the world spun in lazy circles.

“Oh my God, _Gavin_ , you’re okay,” Ray murmured, as if in shock. Gavin’s eyes moved slowly around the room until he spotted him, dark hair sticking up everywhere and beard unshaven, sitting tensely in a chair beside him. Michael and Ryan were standing next to him, eyes lined with dark half-moons but crinkled by huge, relieved smiles.

“Wh- where am I?” Gavin managed to whisper in the softest, driest voice he could muster. He was lying down in some sort of bed, he knew that. His head seemed too heavy and something was wrapped tightly around his arm. No, something was feeding _into_ his arm. There were flowers in a vase on the table next to him, their sweet scents tickling his nose. Something was beeping mechanically, like... a heartbeat monitor. _This is bloody insane._

“You’re in the Seton Medical Center, in the head trauma ward,” Ray explained. _That explains the tubes and monitors._

“What happened to me?”

“You got hurt really bad, Gav. What do you last remember?”

“Um...” He had to really think about it. He recalled flashes of fire and smoke, then darkness. But before that... “We were in a car, I think. Driving to..” 

He’d forgotten. It was something important, he knew that. He had a feeling there was a camera involved, too. 

“We were driving to that warehouse, remember?” Michael prompted, and Gavin shook his head. “We blew it up for a Slow Mo Guys video. You.. you were standing too close to the explosion, dude. You got hit with a piece of debris just above your neck, and-”

Ryan cut in just as Michael’s voice gave out a little. “You fell into a coma.”

“What?” _Christ. That can’t be right._

“You were unconscious for three days.”

“ _What?_ ”

“They had to replace some parts of your skull with metal plating, and they removed some brain tissue from the area that got hit. They thought you might have some brain damage but so far, it seems like you’re okay.” Ryan’s face softened. “Are you okay?”

“I think so,” Gavin said, flexing his fingers. “I can move, and stuff. I don’t really remember what happened, which is a bit mental. But my bloody head feels like it’s being ripped apart.”

Ray frowned. “Well, yeah. You had brain surgery, I guess that’ll happen,” he deadpanned.

Michael couldn’t hold back a laugh, and even Ryan had to smile. Gavin was still trying to piece everything together, though. He didn’t even know what day it was.

“Wait, so I was out for three days, right?”

“Yeah,” Ray replied, looking at the ground. Gavin briefly thought about how awful those three days must have been, but stopped himself. _Talk about that later._

“Today’s date is the eighteenth, then, yeah?”

“Yep. Why?”

“Bugger _me_. I missed my haircut appointment while I was out.”

“Uh... Gav?” Ray flashed him a wicked smile. “I guess you could say you _got_ a haircut while you were out.”

Gavin, with some difficulty, brought his hand up to his head. He felt over rough bandages and something that felt like metal, then-

“ _Shite_ , what happened to my hair?” Gavin groaned, running his fingers over the stubbly surface of his head. “My beautiful, flowing locks..”

“They shaved most of it off for the surgery,” Ray explained, grinning. “I think it looks... cute, though.”

“You’re just saying that ‘cause I was in a coma, you arse.”

“Kind of. Asshat.”

Ryan gagged. “You two are disgustingly adorable.”

“Don’t worry,” said Michael through a smile, jostling him with an elbow. “Your time will come.”

“If this is what love is like, I don’t know if I ever want it.”

Gavin was still deep in thought. He had about a billion questions to ask, but one thing kept bugging him.

“The shot..” he mumbled. “Ray, did the shot look good?”

“Excuse me?”

“The explosion, did it look cool on camera?” Gavin watched as the trio’s mouths fell open in joint astonishment.

“Gavin, you almost _died_.” Ray sounded out the words slowly, like he was talking to a four-year-old.

“But did it look good?”

Ray grinned. “You’re an idiot, you know that?”

“Yeah, but you’re-” Gavin trailed off, too tired to think of a stupid comeback. Michael’s phone started ringing then, the jingling video game soundtrack terribly out of place. 

“Hang on a sec,” Michael muttered, heading out the door with his phone in hand. “I gotta take this. Lindsay? Hey, yeah, Gavin’s fi...”

“I’ll go with him,” said Ryan apologetically. “I have to call a bunch of people anyway. I’ll be back, though.”

“I’m not going anywhere!” Gavin called as Ryan, smirking, shut the door behind him.

Ray was still smiling, but his eyes were distant, searching. 

“You alright, X-Ray?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. I’m.. I’m good,” Ray mumbled, still not looking at Gavin.

“What’s wrong?”

“Uh, nothing.”

“ _Ray_.”

“Seriously! I’m fine.”

_Bloody hell_ , Gavin thought, before asking again with a touch more force. “What happened?”

Ray swallowed and waited a beat before answering. “Well, this. This whole thing. With you. I was.. well, I was pretty fucking terrified. Three _days_ , Gav. I thought you were gonna die on me.”

“Oh.” That shut him up pretty quickly. He couldn’t imagine it, waiting and worrying for so long. He had no idea how Ray was still holding it together.

“But you’re here now,” said Ray. “You’re here now, and you’re getting better, and that’s all that matters, alright? So when I said I was okay, I meant it. I’m fucking elated, actually.”

Gavin wasn’t convinced, but he pushed the thought aside. _Deal with it later._

“So, where do we go from here?” he asked. “What happens now?”

“When you’re strong enough to move around, you’ll be put into physical rehabili-”

“I don’t mean that.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean. What happens next? After.. all of _this_ is over.” Gavin gestured to his hospital bed.

Ray frowned. “I mean, I think it’ll be business as usual.”

“Nothing is ‘usual’ for us, Ray. Surely you’ve figured that out by now.”

“Well, yeah. Let’s try not to go into a coma again, though, alright?”

Gavin laughed- though it sounded like more of a wheeze. “I think I can manage that.”

Ray leaned closer, perching on the side of Gavin’s bed. “Yeah?”

“Well.. maybe.”

Their faces were nearly touching now, Ray’s stubble scratching Gavin’s cheek. The moment was so pristine, so peaceful, it drowned out the heart monitor and the wheeze of machinery, and-

Ray pulled away.

Gavin shot him a glare. “Just kiss me, you bloody idiot.” 

Ray backed up a couple of steps. “I- I don’t want to, like, hurt you or whatever.”

“You’re mental.”

“You’re _fragile_.” Ray chuckled. “I feel like if I even hugged you I might break your ribs.”

“Come on, you mingin’ pleb, I haven’t gotten any action in more than three days, I deserve at least a kiss,” Gavin croaked, his voice finally giving out. Ray rolled his eyes.

“Jesus, fine. Dickbag. But only ‘cause you’re injured.”

They kissed, softly, carefully, both breathing in time to Gavin’s heartbeat monitor. As he pulled away, blushing profusely, Ray drew a flower out from the bouquet crowding the bedside table and pressed it into Gavin’s hand. It was a single red rose, still half a bud, petals crowded together in a flush of scarlet. The stem had been stripped of its thorns and Gavin slid it between his fingers.

“Aw, Ray, this is lovely.”

“Picked it yesterday. Had some free time, I guess. They grew pretty nicely. This winter was so cold, I was worried they’d never bloom.”

“You worry too much,” Gavin drawled. “See, that’s why I made the first move.”

“Fuck off, I would’ve eventually.”

“Oh, really?”

Something buzzed, breaking up their little spat. Ray frowned, and opened the drawer under Gavin’s bedside table, drawing out his phone.

“How is this thing still running?” he asked, handing it to Gavin. “Shit, man, that’s probably been getting texts for three days straight.”

Gavin was much more interested in the contents of the messages he’d gotten. He took one look at the notifications, then..

“Ray, why did you send me _fifty-seven texts?_ ”

“Oh. Shit. Well, it’s kind of a funny story-”

There was a knock at the door.

“You two decent?” Michael called. “Cause if you’re touching dicks I can always come back later!”

“Fuck off, Jones!” Ray retorted, and Michael promptly burst through the door, phone out and filming. When he saw that Gavin and Ray were indeed modest, he put down the phone, groaning.

“I thought I could put this on YouTube and get a million views,” he complained. “Could’ve called it ‘Two Gay Idiots Almost Break a Hospital Bed’. What a wasted opportunity. Assholes. Hey, is that a rose?”

Gavin held it up, twirling the stem in his fingers. “Yeah. Perks of dating a flower boy.”

“I told you to stop calling me that!” Ray said, face going red. 

“Sorry, I meant _florist-slash-private gardener._ That better?”

“Yeah, thanks. Finally, the respect I deserve!”

Gavin smirked. “Flower boy.”

“Camwhore.”

“Oi! That’s offensive!”

Through their banter, Michael only laughed. “Boy, you two sure you’re dating? You have a lot of arguments for a pair of soul mates.”

“Shut up,” Gavin said with a yawn. “You’re the one who met your girlfriend by having a heated argument in Psychology 101.”

“We had a _connection_ , dude! I mean, she was an opinionated bitch and I was a pissed-off douche-canoe,” Michael said, sighing nostalgically. “A match made in heaven.”

“Nothing can beat the fact that the first words I heard Gavin say were _“Oh, shite!”_ ” Ray barked in a really shitty attempt at Gavin’s accent. Michael collapsed in a fit of laughter.

“Seriously? God _damn_ , dude. That’s one for the best man speech.”

They were interrupted by yet another knock on the door.

A nurse burst in, took one look at the gathering of idiots before her, and started fussing over Gavin. Michael and Ray glared at her but Gavin was sort of grateful for it- he was bloody tired.

She chatted about oh-so-many hours of rest, and overexertion, and blah, blah, blah, none of it mattered to him. As she pumped him with sedatives, Gavin smiled. He was still clutching the rose in his hand, soft petals crushed under his fingernails, scarlet dye spilling out and staining his palm.

Ray was standing over him, his voice slightly muffled, his face a blur under the morphine.

“See you soon, alright?” he whispered as Gavin’s vision started to blacken. 

“G’night,” mumbled Gavin, and Ray’s lips twitched into a smile.

The heart monitor beeped. Machinery whirred. 

Sweet sleep crept up on Gavin, soft as petals, soft as fingertips, soft as a kiss.

_“..All for me? And not a question_   
_For the faded flowers gay_   
_That could take me from beside you_   
_For the ages of a day?_   
_They are yours, and be the measure_   
_Of their worth for you to treasure,_   
_The measure of the little while_   
_That I've been long away.”_

 

** END **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y’all are ready for the longest author’s note ever. Here we go.  
> So, first of all, holy shit, this is done. This.. behemoth. Over three months of researching flower meanings, head trauma and comas. Yes, my family thought I was a little insane for having ten tabs of research on TBIs open.  
> Secondly, thank you all so, so much for supporting and following and loving this story, it’s literally what kept me going on it. Special thanks to ciTohCysP, avariciousEpsilon and tetrawantstobattle for all their lovely comments! <3  
> Some fun facts: Every flower in the chapter titles is mentioned exactly once in its chapter. They also have meanings related to the chapter itself. For example, Sweetpea (chapter 3) means shyness, for Ray’s hesitation to approach Gavin. Lilac (chapter 5) means first love. And Heather (chapter 7) means solitude, as Ray was pretty much alone that entire chapter. I knew no one would really notice it, but I thought it was pretty cool.  
> The poem in the last chapter is called Flower-Gathering, by Robert Frost. I saw it and immediately decided I needed to incorporate it in some way, haha.  
> If anyone has any questions at all about the plot, the backstory, or anything at all really, just ask me in the comments, I’ll answer them as quick as I can!  
> Anyway, one final thanks to everyone who left kudos and comments and subscribed and bookmarked, y’all are amazing. Thanks for sticking with Flower Boy! See you in the next story. <3 <3 <3  
> -E


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